


Zeppelin

by Taybay14



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety, Child Abuse, Depression, PTSD, Slow Build, Teacher Castiel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-21
Updated: 2014-06-26
Packaged: 2018-01-26 00:35:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 26,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1668260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taybay14/pseuds/Taybay14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Castiel Novak, a veteran trying to adjust to being back home, get's a job teaching at a local high school he meets a boy who just might turn his whole world upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> My first fanfiction. I plan on writing much more of this story, along with other ones. Let me know your thoughts or questions, and I am willing to take any requests. I do not mind adding relationships, or even starting a whole new story if given a prompt. Hope you enjoy (:

For the third time in the last twenty minutes, his hands began shaking. He glanced up at the clock above the classroom door. Students would be filing in any minute now. He loosened the noose around his neck, wishing he would have chosen something other than a shirt and tie for his first day of the school year. He clasped his hands together on the oak desk, staring down at the first hour’s list of students.  
He jumped as the first bell rang, bringing with it a rush of noise as students laughed and shouted while banging in their lockers. He tightened his tie again as he stood up, moving to just outside his door. He greeted the smiling faces as they all walked into his room. He tried gaging the type of people they were, but came up with nothing more than gender and height. Nothing of value. Once the final bell went off he began closing the door, leaving it slightly ajar. He walked to the center of the classroom before clearing his throat. “Hello class. My name is Mr. Novak.”  
He began telling them about his plans for the year, trying his hardest not to pace around the room. The student’s all looked intrigued, but he couldn’t tell if that was from the fact that his lesson plan sounded interesting or because he was only twenty-three and somewhat good looking.  
He cleared his throat once again before continuing. “For your first assignment I would like you to pick out your favorite short story. You will give me the name of it by the end of the hour today-“ The classroom door opened suddenly, drawing everyone’s attention towards a tall boy with bright green eyes. Castiel’s breath caught in his throat for a moment as the boy made his way towards an open seat in the back. He slid into the seat, letting his back pack slip from his shoulder and onto the floor with a loud thud.  
“You must be Mr. Winchester.” Castiel said loudly as he scanned over his attendance sheet. The boy did not acknowledge his name being said. “Mr. Winchester.” The boy slowly nodded as he rifled through his bag.  
“Dean!” A petite girl beside him said, punching him lightly in the shoulder. The boy glanced up quickly, pulling a set of buds out of his ears.  
“Sorry man.” He looked at Castiel with an enduring smile. “Had to finish the song. You can’t stop in the middle of Zeppelin.”  
“Stairway to Heaven?”  
“Ramble on.” Both boys stared at each other for a moment, as if that question was more than just a simple one.  
“Well I was just explaining the first assignment Zeppelin. You mind if I continue?”  
“Oh by all means.” Dean winked at him, leaning back lazily in his chair.  
“You will have the rest of the hour to decide on your favorite short story. You will write a short, informal essay on your reasons as to why this story is your favorite. This needs to include quotes from the piece. Give me the name by the end of the hour, so I can read them in advance.”  
Castiel made his way back to his desk while the students began chattering. He began flipping through his notebook of lesson plans, wondering for the hundredth time if this was the best way to start off the year. He zoned out on the words until they blurred. Pieces of paper began falling on the corner of his desk. He glanced at them, smiling as the bell dismissing them rang. One final paper fell on his desk, right in front of him instead of in the corner with all the others. The paper read Zeppelin: Why Soldiers Won’t Talk. Castiel’s breath caught as his head shot up to look at the retreating body of the boy. His chest rose and fell fast, the dog tags beneath his shirt sticking to his skin with sweat. How the fuck did he know?

 

 

“I think I’m going insane.” He swirled his long finger around the rim of his glass. Dark circles hung beneath his bright blue eyes, weighing them down. A black tie hung loosely from his neck, a silent noose.  
“Nah Cas. You’re fine.” Gabriel sat across from him, trying to concentrate on his brother instead of scanning the crowd for girls.  
“There’s this kid in my class. I swear to God Gabe, I almost punched him today.”  
“Was he cute?” His eyes shot back at me with excitement. I laughed softly.  
“Does that matter?”  
“Well yeah. I have to decide if you wanted to punch him out sexual frustration or not.”  
“He was cute, yes. But he is a student.”  
“Maybe you need-“  
“Gabe, focus. I don’t need anything.” The silence hung between them for a while. Gabe went back to scanning the crowd as Castiel slowly sipped his scotch. His dog tags hung around his neck, cold and heavy. His mind started drifting back to places he hated to be. He saw the soldier’s face, streaked with dirt and blood. He heard the gunshots in the distance.  
“What was his name?” Gabriel’s question caused him to jump.  
“Who’s?”  
“The kid you almost punched.”  
“Dean.”  
“What did he do to make you angry?” Castiel shook his head, trying to decide if he should tell Gabe or not.  
“Like I said, I think I’m going insane.”  
“What did he do?” Castiel explained the whole thing, from the moment he interrupted his class to the piece of paper falling in front of him.  
“Man, he probably just likes the story. There’s no way he could know about your-“ Gabe trailed off slowly, as if he didn’t know what to call Castiel’s situation. A tall red head walked by the table, giving Gabe a slow, sexy smile. He winked at her, sitting up a little straighter.  
“You gonna be alright man?” He was already inching out of his seat, waiting for the okay to go chase the girl. Castiel laughed and shook his head before finishing his drink.  
”Yeah Gabe I’m gonna head out anyway. Thanks.” They both stood up, giving each other a quick hug before going their separate ways. Castiel pushed through the metal doors towards the back, spilling out into the street. He began walking down the sidewalk, shoving his hands in his coat pockets. His apartment was only a few blocks away, but the air had become much colder than it had when he first arrived to the bar. His mind began drifting off, towards something less familiar but just as unwanted. Dean Winchester.

 

 

“You are all going to hate me.” Castiel said loudly to his class. He stared at the chalkboard, writing neatly with a white piece of chalk. “But instead of handing in your papers for me to read, you will each read yours out loud to the class.” As the students behind him groaned he smiled, remembering for a brief moment how much he hated speeches in high school. He turned around slowly, the piece of chalk still in hand.  
“Now the one thing I hate is when a student goes before a class and reads straight from their paper. I understand this is impromptu but if you could please just glance at your paper for a few minutes and try doing the speech from memory I would highly appreciate it. You will not be graded harshly on this, so take a deep breath and relax.”  
None of them looked relaxed. None of them except for one freckle faced boy in the back. He stared at Castiel impassively, as if he was not just told something new or important. Castiel held up the piece of chalk, still smiling. “When you feel ready you may put your name on the board, creating a list. This will be the order that the speeches will go. Please do this quickly, as we may not have enough time to finish.”  
Everyone began chattering to each other as Castiel placed the piece of chalk on his podium. Dean stood up and took it, the expression on his face still blank. He scrawled Zeppelin next to the number one before sitting back down. Castiel scratched his head, wondering if allowing him to use the new nickname would cause a blur in lines. He imagined Dean getting confused; throwing himself at Castiel thinking that was what Castiel wanted. But it wasn’t. Was it? Castiel’s pants tightened at the thought of the boy bent over his large oak desk. Castiel thanked God that he was standing behind the podium in the center of the room, his crotch hidden from all of the student’s.  
After a few minutes passed he called for everyone’s attention before inviting Dean up to the front of the class to begin. His expression was so blank it was scary. “In the story Why Soldiers Don’t Talk, Steinbeck said, ‘The whole world becomes unreal. You laugh at things which are not ordinarily funny and you become enraged at trifles. During this time a kind man is capable of great cruelties and a timid man of great bravery, and nearly all men have resistance to stresses beyond their ordinary ability.’” Dean paused, taking in the faces of his classmates. His lips twitched up into a sad smile. “I read that story while my dad was deployed. I never thought much of it. Didn’t believe war could really do that to someone.”  
“But shit, was I wrong. Steinbeck’s words were dead on. My father laughed in my little brother’s face while he cried because a bully punched him at school. My father gave me a black eye and a split lip because I wanted to borrow twenty bucks to take a girl out on a date. Sometimes he wouldn’t talk. He would go days in silence, the only sound escaping him being the sound of scotch as he gulped it down. That war took my father, bringing back to us a stranger.” Castiel’s chest tightened as he watched Dean wipe a hand over his face, trying to keep his emotions in check. His hands ached to be the ones running down that face, tracing the soft freckles of the perfect boy. But that’s not what Dean would want. He deserves better than a man just like his father. Dean’s eyes locked with his own for a few seconds, the sad smile returning. “Guess it’s self-explanatory why that’s my favorite.”  
“Yes.” Castiel said softly, trying to gain his composure. “That was very good Mr. Winchester.” The class began clapping slowly, unsure of what to do. Dean made his way back to his seat as the next student went up to speak. The rest of the speeches blurred by as the hour went, the last girl finishing just as the bell rang. “Mr. Winchester, do you mind speaking with me for a minute?”  
The student’s filed out quickly as Dean made his way towards Castiel. Silence hung between them. Dean looked up at his teacher confused, but intrigued. “I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable today. I wasn’t aware that anything as personal as that would come up.”  
Dean raised his eyebrows at Castiel. “Really? I mean there should be a lot of emotion and personal crap tied up into something that you love. I love that story, for those reasons. That’s not embarrassing teach.”  
“Sir.” Castiel whispered in a menacing voice. His anger was exposing itself once again, causing him to silently curse himself.  
“Excuse me?”  
“You will call me Mr. Novak or Sir. I am not your ‘teach’ Mr. Winchester.”  
“Uh, okay? Sorry.” A mischievous grin appeared on the boy’s face. “Sir.” With a wink he walked out, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. Castiel’s heart beat fast and hard in his chest. He was fucked.

 

It was nearly two weeks later when Dean Winchester finally caught on to the struggle Castiel was going through. It was a rainy Tuesday morning. The class was reading a collection of T.S. Elliot’s works silently at their desks. Castiel had been grading essays when he got side tracked by the way Dean was chewing on his lower lip. He was reading The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock. Castiel understood why he was chewing away at that perfect bottom lip. Prufrock always got people rethinking their life. Castiel watched him as he took in the words, his eyes hungry for them. He loved the hidden passion that was slowly spilling out from Dean over the past few weeks. Castiel slowly slid his finger across his own bottom lip, imagining what it would feel like to have those white teeth of Dean’s clamping down on it. Dean paused his reading, looking right at Castiel. Castiel’s heart stuttered for a moment as Dean continued looking at him. He released his bottom lip from between his teeth, smoothing away the marks slowly with his tongue. Castiel gasped softly, causing Dean to smile.  
The bell rang, interrupting them. Castiel noticed Dean falling back as the others milled out of the room. “Excuse me, Sir. I was wondering if I had done something wrong?”  
“Why would you think that Mr. Winchester?”  
Dean leaned over the desk, his face less than a foot away from his teachers. “That look you were giving me looks just like the pizza man does before he spanks his naughty girl.” Dean laughed softly to himself as he hiked his bag onto his shoulder and walked out, humming the tune of a song as he went. Castiel tried to breathe. He fought for air, but he couldn’t. This kid was under his skin and the worst part was now he knew. Dean knew exactly what he was doing to his teacher, and what is even worse? Dean seemed to be enjoying it. Castiel cracked his neck, thinking to himself ‘two can play that game.’


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more background on the boys

The next day there was a small piece of paper on everyone’s desk. It was flipped upside down with instructions written on the board not to read them. The students filed in slowly, chatting with each other as they took their seats. Their teacher was nowhere to be found. Dean tried not to look worried, reminding himself to stay calm. It’s not like teacher’s can’t take days off. It’s not like it’s any of his business. But he couldn’t help but worry that Mr. Novak was gone because of his comment from yesterday. His heart rate quickened. He never imagined that the teacher didn’t feel the way Dean thought he did. And he didn’t think the teacher would freak out. Maybe a detention or something. Not quitting his job. Dean shook his head, clearing all the thoughts away. Don’t be over dramatic Winchester.  
Just as he calmed down Castiel walked in, his tie loosened and the top two buttons of his shirt undone. His hair was messier than usual, sex hair instead of just rolled out of bed hair. Dean knew the difference. His heart skipped again. No. No one else is supposed to be touching him.   
“’Morning class. Sorry about running a little late, had a-“ He coughed, smiling at all of them, making sure to make eye contact with all except one. “meeting.”   
The class all giggled at this, not one of them missing what was being implied. In his defense he wasn’t lying to them. He did have a meeting, just not the kind he wanted them to believe. It was his first appointment at the VA, some bullshit paper work to fill out for the counseling his brother Gabriel was insisting he partake in. He didn’t look at Dean. He made sure of this. “Now I want you all to flip over the paper on your desk, reading it silently to yourself. No one may show or tell their fellow classmates what their own says. It is to be kept entirely secret. When you are done, write your name on it and return it back to me. The sentence is a prompt for a short story I would like you to write. Once you have returned the paper to me, you may begin on it. It will be due on Friday.”  
Castiel watched as every student flipped over their paper. The only student he did not watch was Dean. He watched Alyssa as she flipped over the paper he knew read a single mother whose baby is being taken away by CPS. He watched as Tyler flipped over the paper he knew read a seventeen year old boy who witnessed both his parents brutally murdered. He watched as Lucy smiled at hers, reading what he knew said a fourteen year old girl who just had her first kiss. He heard some gasps and giggles. He tried to hide his smile as he heard a sharp hiss from the back, right around the area Dean resided in. The papers began falling onto his desk slowly, once again in the corner. He made sure to avoid eye contact as he say the faded Styx shirt walk towards him. The paper was placed right in front of him, Castiel’s writing staring him down. It read a seventeen year old boy who realized he is attracted to his teacher. He flipped the page, reading Dean’s scribbled hand writing. Shouldn’t be too hard, considering.   
Damn, this kid was good.

 

  
“Eat your food Sammy.” Dean chided as he watched his brother pushing around the noodles on his plate.  
“It’s disgusting Dean.” His brother bit his lip, stopping it before I began shaking. The small movement didn’t go unnoticed by Dean. He stared first at his brother’s plate, then at his own. The noodles were stale and clumped together. The only thing accompanying them was the scrapings of what was left from the jar of butter and some bread crumbs that had been stuck to them. It was pretty disgusting, but it was the first warm meal they had been able to make it three days.   
“If you eat it without complaining, then I’ll take us to McDonald’s this weekend. Deal?” Sammy stared at his brother for a long moment, debating if it was really going to happen or not. He knew Dean meant it now, but things rarely worked out when it came to plans with money involved.   
“Yeah, okay.” He muttered, shoveling a large clump into his mouth. He chewed for what felt like an eternity before swallowing quickly, trying not to gag. Dean did the same, trying to keep a smile on his face. “Whatcha writing?” Sam asked, gesturing towards the open notebook scattered with words next to Dean.  
Dean blushed. “Just a stupid English assignment.” Sam furrowed his eye brows.  
“Isn’t English your favorite subject?”  
“Yup.”  
“So why is the assignment stupid?” Dean thought for a moment, debating whether or not he should tell his twelve year old brother the assignment. He thought better of it, knowing Sam would be able to tell by the way he talked that the assignment hit close to home.   
“It’s not; I’m just tired and crabby.” He glanced up at the clock quickly, cursing it quietly. “Speaking of tired and crabby, I’m about to be late for work.” Dean stood up, dumping the rest of his noodles onto Sam’s plate before messing up his soft brown hair.   
“Eww,” Sam wrinkled his nose, “Dean I can’t eat all of this.”  
Dean stared down at him for a second, his eyes taking in his long, skinny limbs. “Promise me you will finish all of that Sammy.”  
“But Dean-“  
“Sam.” That was serious. Dean almost never referred to his brother that way. Sam quietly promised he would finish it, shoveling another clump into his mouth as Dean tugged on his jacket with the Roadhouse logo on the back. He walked out the front door, slamming it behind him. Sam counted to fifty before standing up, carrying his plate to the living room. His father sat in the recliner in front of the TV, watching what looked to be an infomercial for fuzzy socks. His right hand was clutching a half empty bottle of scotch. His left hand was shaking.   
“Here you go dad. It’s pretty gross but-“ Sam shrugged as he placed the plate next to his father on the coffee table. His father didn’t move a muscle. His right hand still clutched the half empty bottle of scotch. His left hand kept shaking.

 

 

Music played from the jukebox in the corner as the waitress brought Castiel and Gabriel their drinks. Business at the Bar and Grill was particularly slow today, according to Gabe. It always was on Wednesday’s. They bullshitted for a few minutes as they scanned the menu, laughing and yelling at each other over work-loads and one night stands.  
“I’m telling you man, best sex I’ve ever had.”  
“Yeah right Gabe, you said that about the blonde last week. And the brunette before that.”  
“Well, aren’t I lucky then. It just keeps getting better.”  
“Oh bite me.” But they were both smiling. The smile from Castiel slipped as quickly as it had appeared when none other than Dean Winchester walked up to their table, looking down at the pen and pad he was cradling in his hand.  
“Ya’ll bout ready to ord-“ He trailed off as his bright green eyes met Castiel’s. He wet his lips, out of nerves not seduction. Castiel did the same. Gabe noticed, trying to hide a confused smile behind his beer as he slowly took a sip.   
  Castiel recovered first. “Hello Dean. I wasn’t aware you worked here.”  
 Dean? Gabriel mouthed from across the table, his eyebrows raised in recognition.   
 “Yeah.” Dean shrugged. “Yeah I work here.” Gabe stifled a laugh, trying to turn the sound into a cough.  Dean shot him a dirty look.   
 “I’m gonna get the number five without onions. Cas will get the same.” Dean’s jaw twitched, anger flashing in his eyes for a moment. Not only was his teacher fucking with him, making him feel like he has a chance when in reality he has a boyfriend, but he’s dating a bossy jerk. Cas can fucking order for himself.  
 “Cas, huh?”  
 “Yes. My name is Castiel.”  
 “Should you really be telling your student that Mr. Novak?” Gabe asked with a wink. Castiel chuckled, but Dean didn’t look at all amused. He gave them both a tight smile before taking their menus and retreating. The men dove back into the conversation they were having. Thankfully Gabe didn’t mention Dean at all. Just as Dean was making his way towards their table with their food Gabe stood up to use the bathroom. Dean slammed both plates down on the table.   
 “Anything else I can get you Mr. Novak?” He spat out angrily.  
 “How’s that story going?”  
 “Great. The teacher in the story is a real jackass. Loves to give mixed signals. Loves to mess with a kid who has enough on his plate.”   
 Castiel’s throat tightened, his lazily smile falling from his face. Dean shook his head, walking away quickly. He tore his apron off, throwing it onto the empty bar. Castiel heard him tell the tender he was going on break. Castiel stood up, going after him. He found him leaning up against the outside wall, lighting a cigarette. Neither of them said anything as Dean fought against the wind as he tried over and over again to light it. Finally he mumbled fuck it and threw the cigarette on the ground.   
 “Dean.”  
 “Don’t.” His voice was strangled as he stared at the ground.   
 “Dean.” Castiel took a step forward, causing Dean to shift further down the wall.   
 “Please. Just go back in there with your stupid boyfriend. I am fine.”  
 “Boyfriend?” Castiel let out a small laugh. “Eww. Gabe is my brother Dean. My brother.”  
 Dean’s jaw twitched again, this time out of anger with himself. “Just leave me alone okay? I don’t want to play this game. I quit. I’m done. I was inappropriate. I’m sorry. Just give me a detention or something, okay? I don’t want to do this anymore.”  
 “Dean.”  
 “Stop saying my name!” He shouted, finally lifting his face to look Castiel dead in the eye. Castiel felt a shiver run down his spine. “Please, just leave me alone. Please. I can’t anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this-“ Dean ran out of breath, sobs replacing them. Castiel realized they were no long talking about the little game they were playing. The torn expression on Dean’s face. The way his body shook as he sank to the cold ground. Dean was talking about his life.   
 “Dean.” This made him cry harder. He muttered something that sounded like a plea, but Castiel couldn’t be sure. He knelt down, wrapping both of his arms around the young boy’s body. He clutched him tightly against his chest. Dean tried to push him away but his efforts were only half-hearted. Within a few seconds he was melting into Castiel, his breathing slowly normalizing. “I’m not playing a game with you. I wasn’t aware that you actually wanted-“ Castiel searched for the word. “this. You wanted this. I didn’t know that Dean.”   
 “You thought I was just some cocky asshole who liked messing with the new guy.” Dean whispered against his neck, goose bumps raising on Castiel’s skin.   
 “Yes.”  
 “Oh.” They sat there for a few more seconds before Dean untangled himself from Castiel. “Here.” Dean handed Castiel a piece of crumpled up paper he pulled out from his back pocket. Castiel took it as Dean stood up. “I gotta get back to work. You should get back to your brother.” He walked as fast as he could without running towards the door, yanking it open and disappearing inside. Castiel smoothed the paper on his pant leg, reading the first sentence. His breath caught.   
 He looked at me, and for the first time since my mother left, since my father came home from the war, since I was fifteen, I felt hope.


	3. Chapter Three

Dean was nineteen minutes late to class the following Monday. He rushed in with nothing but a pencil, his face flushed. He apologized quietly as he slid into his desk. They hadn’t talked since that night, both acting as if nothing had happened between them. Castiel watched as the girl beside him leaned over, whispering the assignment to him with a soft smile on her lips. Dean smiled back, but it was distant. He opened his book to the page she told him, reading the first few sentences before his eyes drifted closed. He looked as if he was about to cry. Castiel sat back in this chair, watching Dean from the safety of his desk. Dean took a few deep breaths, rereading the same few sentences. It was a fluff assignment, nothing that would be difficult for him to read. His hands shook as he lifted them to his face. His knuckles were smudged with red.

                Castiel shifted in his desk, trying to remain calm. He glanced back at his desk for a moment, trying to decide what to do. Dean’s breathing began to quicken, his bottom lip split and shaking. Fuck. “Class, why don’t you all go to the library to finish the reading for today?” Everyone looked up, confusion on their faces. They all scooped up their belongings, making their way towards the door. Dean remained seated, his face in his hands. Castiel stood up, closing the door behind the last student. He looked around the room before locking the door. Both windows were covered by curtains. The first sob escaped him before Castiel could even take a step in his direction.

                “Dean.” He wiped at his face frantically before raising his head. His cheeks were streaked with tears and blood. Castiel’s heart ached. He shouldn’t be doing this. He was had been a soldier too. All he was going to do was hurt Dean just like his father did. What if he goes back to the way he was when he first got home? When he didn’t talk either? “Dean.”

                “It’s bad Cas. It’s really bad.” It was the first time he had used his first name, let alone his nickname that he had heard Gabe use the week before. But it didn’t matter to Dean. All he wanted was Castiel’s arms around him again.

                “What is Dean?” He was sitting in the desk beside him now, his hand resting on his shoulder.

                “Everything.” He let out a loud sob before taking two heavy breaths, trying to calm himself down. “My dad was pissed at me because Sammy was crying. Or at least I think that was why he was pissed. I wouldn’t know, he doesn’t fucking talk.”

“Why was he crying?”

“I promised Sammy I would take him to McDonald’s this weekend, but I had to pay rent. I only have six dollars left over, and I didn’t want to waste it. He was so-“ His sobbing continued. Castiel sighed.

                “Okay.” It was more of a defeated sigh than a word. He took the boy into his arms, pulling him into his lap. Dean’s tears rubbed off onto his dress shirt. He pushed away the fact that he didn’t have another shirt to change into. He pushed away the thought that this was a student he was holding. He pushed away the thought that they were in a classroom. That this was illegal. That he had been a soldier. That he would hurt Dean. Because in this moment he felt like the only thing that could save Dean. So he pushed all the thoughts away, cradling the boy’s face in his rough, callused hands. They stared at each other for a long second. Dean’s green eyes wide and innocent. He pushed every single thought away. And he kissed him.

 

 

 

 

 

                His laugh was infectious. It filled Castiel’s tiny apartment easily. The movie was one of Castiel’s favorites. Dean had never seen it. His whole face was split wide with a grin. It was the happiest Castiel had ever seen him. Dean looked over at him, his eyes dancing with pleasure. He crashed his lips against Castiel’s, making Castiel laugh softly. Their lips molded together easily, after having the last month to practice. Castiel cradled Dean’s face in his hands, causing the kiss to deepen. “Please.” Dean whispered against his lips. Castiel shook his head, feeling the intensity of the kiss already fading with disappointment. A few seconds later Dean pulled away, his eyes moving back to the screen.

                “Hey Zeppelin.” Castiel had begun calling him that a few weeks ago, right after their first kiss. It never failed to make Dean smile. This time was no different. “What’s wrong baby?”

                “You know what’s wrong.” He stuck his bottom lip out, his brows furrowed.

                “God dammit Dean, you are so fucking cute when you pout.”

                “Shut up!” Dean yelled, punching Castiel in the arm.

                “I’m sorry.”

                “You aren’t.”

                “I am.” Dean’s eyes met his, angry and cold.

                “If you’re sorry then why don’t you just give in and do it?”

                “Because you’ve never had sex with a man Dean. And you said yourself that you’ve never had sex with someone you’re in love with.”

                “But-“

                “I want both of those things when we are together Dean. Your first deserves to be someone you love. I am not that person yet.”

                “You are so frustrating!” Castiel cocked his head to the side, looking at Dean affectionately. He wanted so badly to say it. To whisper _I love you_ to this boy who had his world flipped upside down.

 

 

 

 

                “Are you kidding? Frost is so superficial.” Dean shouted at him. They were both sprawled out on Castiel’s king sized bed.

                “No. Frost is the exact opposite of that. You just haven’t read anything that you like. You’ve only read all of the over rated popular stuff that’s been over analyzed and romanticized.”

                “I still think he is superficial.” They were both smiling ear to ear. Dean’s shirt was riding up, exposing a thin strip of tan skin just above his sweatpants. Castiel’s sweatpants actually. Dean was spending the night _at a friends_ something Castiel never thought he would let him do. But the conversation kept running later and later and Castiel couldn’t stand the thought of Dean leaving.

                “Here.” Castiel tore his eyes away, sitting up and reaching over to the bookshelf next to his bed. He pulled out a worn down book with its binder torn. He flipped quickly to a page he had marked before handing it to Dean. “Read.”

                Dean let his eyes roam across the page, his expression changing from annoyance to disbelief. “Damn.” He whispered.

                “Yeah.”

                “Why haven’t we read that in class?”

                “It’s a personal one for me.”

                “Why?” They both stared at each other. Castiel wanted so badly in that moment to tell him the truth. To tell him all that he was hiding, but he couldn’t.

                “What do you think of it?” Castiel asked, hoping to switch the question. It worked.

                “I think that it’s fucking sad.”

                “Language Dean.” They stared at each other again. Castiel’s eyes were hard, Dean’s were challenging. They had been doing this power struggle a lot more in the last few days. Castiel couldn’t wait until Dean got a little too cocky about it. He couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when Castiel’s inner dominant came out to play.

                “I like it. Not as much as Steinbeck’s story, but this one is good too. I just feel like it could have been more, ya know?”

                “How do you mean?”

                “Well, when I started reading it I thought it was going to talk about how he came back but he wasn’t the same boy.”

                “But that isn’t what Frost wanted to say. He could have said that, but that wasn’t his message. His message was a mother and son’s love. His message was the strength of a solider. Sometimes soldier’s come home themselves. Sometimes they are recognizable.”

                “Lucky them.” Dean whispered, just loud enough for Castiel to hear him.

                “Hey, no grumpy boys in my bed.” Castiel whispered, connecting the freckles on Dean’s cheek with his finger.

                “Make me less grumpy then.”

                “I will.” Castiel rolled on top of Dean, pressing him down into the mattress. His lips hungrily searched for Dean’s. He kissed him hard and fast, grinding his crotch against Dean’s. Dean whimpered, and holy shit it was the best sound in the whole world. At first it was a confused mumble against his lips, but as Castiel moved to trail kisses down Dean’s jaw he heard it again. Loud and clear. “I love you Cas.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been so long! I've been so busy with finals week and everything. :(

“You have to tell him.”

                “Why? He isn’t going to fall in love with me anyway. It doesn’t matter.” Gabe stared at Castiel from across the table, dumbfounded by his brother’s stupidity.

                “The kid is either in love with you or pretty damn close man. Don’t be fucking stupid.”

                “I doesn’t matter.”

                “Oh come on. The kid hates the military. Everything about it. You’ve said it yourself. It’s the thing he has the most passion for. And you think it’s a good idea to not mention the fact that you spent a year and a half of your life as a solider?”

                “A year and a half isn’t that long.

                “Cas. Fucking stop man.” Gabe shook his head, trying to control his anger. “You wanted to be in for life. You got honorably discharged. You went through hell and came back alive. You’re still a solider whether you like or not man. No solider ever stops being a soldier.”

                “He’ll hate me Gabe.” Castiel looked down at his phone, reading the most recent text from Dean. _Need you tonight. Any chance?_ He took in a deep breath. “He will hate me.”

                “Then he hates you. Don’t let him fall even deeper without knowing man. That’s not right.”

                “None of this is right Gabe.” Castiel spat back bitterly.

                “You’re right. But doesn’t it say something that this is the first thing I have bothered to not support you on? I never said anything about him being underage. Never said anything about him being your god damn student. But this isn’t fair Cas. Not to him or yourself.”

                “Yeah.” His phone vibrated again. _Please Cas. I need to see you. It’s important._ “Yeah you’re right.”

                “Where are you going?” Gabe asked as Castiel stood up, dropping a twenty on the table before pulling his jacket on.

                “To do what I do best. Fuck up the one good thing I have.”

 

 

 

 

                “You know where the spare key is you weirdo.” Castiel yelled from the bottom of the stairs. Dean laughed as he shook from the cold. He waited for Castiel to wrap his arms around him, warming him up, before responding.

                “Yeah but then I wouldn’t have needed you to warm me up.” That got him a soft laugh as Castiel fumbled with his key in the lock. Dean clung to Castiel’s jacket as he was pushed indoors, refusing to let go.

                “What’s wrong baby. Why do you need me?” Castiel asked quietly as he tried shrugging his jacket off.

                “Don’t leave me.”

                “I’m not going anywhere.”

                “Everyone leaves me.” Castiel’s heart stopped as he looked down at Dean. His eyes were filling with tears and his lip shook. It still amazed him that he was lucky enough to be so close with someone like Dean. To be the one he ran to, the one he craved to be held by.

                “I promise you. I will not leave you.”

                “You promise?” Dean’s voice was raspy and low.

                “I promise.”

                “Good. Because I love you.” Dean pushed away, running his fingers through his messy hair. He took a deep breath and turned away from Castiel, facing the wall. “I love you and that scares the hell out of me.”

                “I know.” Castiel replied quietly, reaching out for Dean. He turned him around, giving him a warm smile. “I know. But it is okay. I am not going anywhere.”

                “I love you.”

                “I love you too silly.”

                “I love you.” Dean’s face was dead serious.

                “I know Dean.”

                “I love you.” His face split into a smile. “God that feels so damn good to say.” And his lips were against Castiel’s. They were needy, hungry. He was searching for something, something he knew he wouldn’t get. Castiel pushed him back, shaking his head.

                “We need to talk first Dean. I need to tell you something.”

                “What?”

                “It’s about my past.”

                “It doesn’t matter.” He was breathless, his lips puffy and red.

                “It does. I’ve done things. Done things you woulnd’t like. Done things you would hate me for.” Dean’s face broke in confusion.

                “I could never hate you Cas. I love you.”

                “Dean you don’t under-“ Dean placed his lips back where they were. He pushed Castiel down the hall towards the bedroom, not allowing the man time to interrupt.

                “All that I understand is I love you. That is all that matters to me Cas. Nothing else matters, okay? Now make love to me.” He laughed, his face red. “I would do the whole sexy, _I’m going to make love to you thing_ but I have no idea how to it. So make love to me.” It came out sounding like one big breathless sentence. It was adorable. Castiel laughed, cupping Dean’s face in his hands.

                “I love you too.”

 

 

 

 

 

                “Wait not that.” Castiel looked up at Dean, his eye brows crinkled in frustration. He licked his lips, his fingers stilling on each ass cheek.

                “Why not?”

                “It’ll taste bad.”

                “Dean.”

                “No that’s not nice to you. It will taste bad. I mean I poop out of there-“ His cheeks were flaming. He looked like he was about to cry of embarrassment. Castiel chuckled. He licked from the base of his dick to the tip, teasing open the slit. Dean groaned.

                “You didn’t want me to do that either, but that felt good didn’t it?”

                “Yes.” Dean grumbled.

                “I want to do this. It will bring you pleasure. I want to pleasure you Dean.”

                “But Cas-“

                “Dean.” His voice was low, stern. Dean gulped before biting his lip.

                “Sorry.”

                “Sorry what?” He needed to test him. This was the perfect time to test him. Dean gulped again, biting down harder on his lower lip.

                “Sorry sir.”

                “Good boy.” Castiel whispered before flicking out his tongue against Dean’s opening.

                “Ahh.” Dean cried, his hips bucking. Castiel smiled, flicking his tongue against the same spot. Both hands came to rest on Dean’s hips, holding him steady as Castiel began slowly trailing his tongue around his rim. The sounds Dean was making made Castiel go wild. He reached up with one hand, grabbing Dean by his hair and pulling his face down a little. He shoved a finger inside of dean’s mouth, groaning the word _suck_ against his tight pink hole. Dean shivered, obeying the command.

                Castiel moaned against him, remembering what Dean’s lips felt like wrapped around his own dick. He pulled the finger out of his mouth, bringing it down to the place his tongue was sliding against.

                “No!”

                “Dean.”

                “It’ll hurt.” His whole body began shaking. His eyes were wide with fear.

                “No baby, it won’t I’ll make sure it doesn’t. I’m going to take care of you okay?” Dean didn’t answer, just nodded slowly. Castiel spat on his hole before inching his finger in. Dean gasped and shook his head. He only got to the first knuckle before Dean bucked him off.

                “No.”

                “Okay.”

                “Okay?” Dean asked, his eyes weary.

                “Of course. You’re not ready baby. It’s okay.”

                “But you said it will feel good.”

                “It will Dean.”

                “I’m scared.” He took in a shaky breath. “I’m ready Cas, I’m just scared.”

                “Hey. I am going to take care of you. You’re my everything Dean. I love you okay? I love you so much. I am going to take care of you.”

                “Okay.”

                “Okay?”

                “Yeah. I’m okay. I’m ready.” Castiel reached over to the bedside table, grabbing a tube of lubrication from the drawer. He knew he would need it eventually, but not this soon. He smiled at this. Dean was tight, and scared. That was okay. It made his dick harder thinking about the amount of trust Dean must have in him. He loved taking care of him. Castiel moved so that his face was hovering above Dean’s. He squeezed lubricant onto his fingers, rubbing them along his crack and rim. Dean moaned. He slid one finger in, down to the second knuckle, before stopping to take in Dean’s reaction. His forehead was scrunched up in confusion, as if he didn’t know if it was what he expected or not.

                “Good?” Castiel whispered. He moved his finger slightly.

                “Good.” Dean whispered breathlessly. Castiel began to move his finger in and out slowly, giving Dean slow kisses with each movement. Before long he was adding another finger, Dean pushing down against him for more friction.

                “More.”

                “Calm down Dean.”

                “No Cas, more.” Castiel smiled at his impatience. He went to add another finger but Dean shook his head. “No, I want you. I need you inside me.”

                “Dean.”

                “Please make love to me.” Castiel let out a frustrated sigh before grabbing the bottle of lube again.

                “So impatient baby.” He whispered as he lathered himself. He squirted more on Dean’s now slightly stretched hole, rubbing it in the best he could. “This might hurt a little, but I’m gonna try my best to make it so that it doesn’t okay?”

                “Okay.” Dean said breathlessly. Castiel placed his tip against the opening, giving Dean a long, slow kiss as he slowly began pushing in. Dean gasped, all of this muscles clenching. Castiel stopped moving.

                “Dean, you gotta breathe. You have to relax or it will hurt worse baby. You gotta breathe.”

                “I can’t.”

                “Breathe baby. Come on.” Dean took a few deep breaths, his muscles relaxing. Castiel smiled down at him, whispering, “Good boy. Such a good boy.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SUPER SHORT ONE, AGAIN. Like I said, finals week you guys. Just bear with me please, I am trying!!

“Anyone want to give me three examples of antithesis in the poem that I assigned yesterday?” Castiel tried concentrating on the lesson plan, instead of the boy he had beneath him just last night. But it was getting increasingly difficult as Dean slowly nibbled on his bottom lip, mulling over the open book on his desk. The thought of those lips sent a sharp twitch to his groin. He called on the girl in the front row, barely hearing her answer. Dean looked up at him, catching him staring. He smiled and winked and Castiel’s head swam.   
“You know what class? It’s a beautiful day today. Why don’t you all just skip the lesson and go outside. I have a list of poetry written up on the board. It was going to be tonight’s assignment but I want you to go and start it now.” Everyone chattered loudly as they gathered their things, all smiling at how cool Mr. Novak is. Dean went with them, flashing a smile over his shoulder as Castiel watched him walk out.   
“Fuck.” He groaned into the empty class room. He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling at the tufts. “Fuck.” He had fallen head over heels in love, something he promised himself he would never do again. Let alone with a god damn student. A god damn student who has a personal vendetta against the military. Castiel knew he needed to tell him, he just didn’t know how to go about it. Would it be such a big deal if Castiel was already out? I mean, it’s not going to get worse than this.  
But then Castiel remembered his nightmares, the way he jumps at loud noises. Dean didn’t know about that stuff. He didn’t know that Castiel’s favorite holiday used to be independence day, but now he spends it beneath pillows and covers with head phones on, trying desperately to block out the pop and crackle of the fireworks. He used to be the life of the party, incredibly social. But now he hates crowds. He always feels unsafe in them, as if he can’t control them. He sees his dead best friend’s face in his sleep, hears his voice tangled with other’s as he walks down a crowded street.   
Dean had said that the past didn’t matter, but what if the past was still affecting his future? What if Castiel is exactly like Dean’s father, he just hasn’t given up yet? Castiel rubbed both hands down his face with a large sigh. “Fuck.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since I have been a dick to you all lately, I tried to make this once as long as possible. I know, I suck. It's been forever since I updated and the few updates I did give were not very good. Hopefully you guys enjoy this chapter as much as I do.

“That is an incredibly stupid idea.” Gabriel told Castiel in an angry voice. It took everything in him not to clutch the beer in his hand and throw it. Castiel looked everywhere except at Gabe.

“It’s the best thing for him.” He whispered, his voice low and husky.

“Bull shit. Best thing for him my ass. You’re gonna crush the kid.”

“It’s better than sticking around and hurting him more. Once he finds out, he’ll hate me.”

“And he won’t hate you if you break up with him?”

“It’ll be-“ Castiel paused. He caught Dean out of the corner of his eye, walking through the entrance of the bar. “Fuck.”

“What?” Gabe asked, his back straightening. Dean strode over to the table, a large smile on his face. Gabriel’s face went pale for a moment before he collected himself.  
 

“Hey Cas. Thought you said you didn’t feel good?” Dean’s bright green eyes looked Castiel’s body over, wondering what happened to the sickness he had been told of a few hours before. Castiel gave him a tight smile.

“Yeah, it passed.” Gabe gave him a look, disappointed that that was the best he could come up with. Castiel raised his eyebrows back at him, daring him to say anything. “Aren’t you off tonight? I could have sworn you said you didn’t work until the weekend.”

“Just picking up my paycheck.” Dean kept smiling, the situation doing nothing to him. Castiel couldn’t decide if it made him happier or more upset that the kid didn’t even notice he had been lied to. On one hand, Castiel wasn’t in trouble. On the other, it just reminded him of all the other lies he was telling. “Since you’re feeling better, mind if I stop by later tonight?”

“Well, it’ll probably be a late night for me Dean. Gabe and I just got started.” Dean looked back and forth between the men for a moment, his smile slipping.

“I don’t mind if it’s late. Not like my dad will notice.” He replaced the falling smile with a new one, trying to keep the mood light. He didn’t want Castiel to know how badly he needed to see him. How bad this past week had been at home.

“Dean you should go home. It’s a school night.” Castiel’s voice was tight.

“We haven’t seen each other in almost a week Cas.” Gabe cleared his throat, obviously growing uncomfortable. Castiel shifted in his seat, scratching at his head.

“We saw each other today Dean.”

“You know what I mean.” Dean’s face was red. He wanted to scream at his boyfriend. Wanted to tell him all the things he had been through in the last week. All the fights with Sam, the late night fist fights with his father. He wanted to tell him about the empty fridge he didn’t know how to fill, about the paycheck he was about to get that barely had enough to cover a meal at McDonalds. The three classes he was failing. The guidance counselor threatening to call CPS on his family. The nightmares he’s been having about Castiel leaving him. Dean didn’t even notice the tears were falling from his eyes until Gabriel quietly excused himself to the bathroom.

“Dean calm down please.” Dean wiped viciously at his face, looking around to make sure no one had noticed the small scene he was making. The last thing Dean wanted was for this night to be the night they get caught. “Just take a deep breath baby. Shh.”

“Why don’t you want me anymore?”

“Hey, I never said that. I’ve just been busy.”

“Bullshit.” It was a little louder than Dean had intended. One of the other waitresses looked over at them. She was a senior. Castiel taught her class sixth hour.

“Fuck.” Castiel whispered under his breath as she continued staring. He ran his hand through his hair. His stance shifted from comforting to angry. It made Dean flinch.

“Young man. Now is a completely inappropriate time to confront me about this. If you wish to discuss the grade further you can speak to me tomorrow in class.” Dean knew this was what needed to be done, but the cold gaze felt so foreign. It also felt too real, as if a part of Castiel felt comfortable doing this to him. Dismissing him in this way.

“Sorry.” Dean mumbled, walking away quickly. He left the bar without picking up his check, without looking back. He ran into the nearest alleyway and fell to his knees. The sobs wracked through him as he let everything go.

 

 

 

 

Castiel had three missed calls by the time he got back to his apartment. All three from a boy he knew was probably falling apart. He hated every fiber of his being as he hit the ignore button on the fourth one, pushing his way through the door. He knew he was being horrible to Dean, but didn’t know what else to do. He set his things down on the floor, loosening the tie from around his neck.

He jumped at the sound of something dropping to the floor in his bedroom. He was running through the apartment fast, pushing through the half open door before he could blink. Dean was crouched on the ground, naked. There were shards of glass in his hands as he picked up the pieces of a broken picture frame. The picture was of his best friend and him, standing in front of their bunk beds in Iraq. The room was tiny and cramped but the angle of it was so off that it looked almost as if they were in a crappy dorm room. Both boys were dressed in civilian workout clothes. Castiel’s heart jumped in his throat, even though he knew Dean had no idea.

“I’m sorry!” Dean cried, picking up the pieces faster. “I was just looking for the lube and I knocked it over. I’m sorry.”

Castiel walked forwards, his hands stretched out in a way that showed Dean he wasn’t upset. He slowly turned Dean’s hand over, letting the glass fall back on the floor. He picked up the broken frame, setting it back up on the table. He made sure his eyes didn’t fall on the smiling faces. “Shh, it’s okay.”

“I broke it.” Dean whispered, his chest rising and falling fast with the silent sobs.

“Pretty sure it was five bucks at Wal-Mart baby; it’s not a big deal.”

“But-“ Castiel lifted Dean, carrying him like a new bride to the bed. He tried not to let his mind linger on how light the boy was. How underfed and young.

“It’s okay.” Castiel whispered as he slid Dean under his blankets. He laid beside him, wrapping both arms around him. As he felt the boy melt into him his heart sank. He knew now, just as he had all along, that there was no way he was ending this. No matter how hard he tried, there was no lying. He was so in love with Dean Winchester.

“Don’t leave me.” Dean cried out, his body shaking violently with a new batch of sobs.

“I won’t.”

“You were gonna. I could,” Dean took in a few deep breaths, calming himself down just enough to talk, “I could tell. I could feel it. You were gonna leave me.”

“I’m sorry. Okay?” Dean started crying harder at the fact that Castiel didn’t deny it. He really was going to leave him. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. I’m so sorry. I just got scared, okay? I just-“ Dean’s sobs didn’t slow or quiet and Castiel began to worry that he wouldn’t be able to fix this.

“You don’t love me.”

“No.” Dean’s whole body shook so hard Castiel was having a hard time keeping a firm grip. “No that is not true. Don’t you ever think that. I love you so much Dean.” He kissed Dean’s forehead, then his cheeks. He tasted the salty tears on his lips as he made them disappear. Dean’s cries faded to slow whimpers, before dissipating altogether. Castiel kept whispering I love you over and over again as his breathing began to regularize. After a few long minutes Dean fell asleep, filling the room with a peaceful silence. Castiel shifted slightly, letting himself get comfortable in the bed. He let himself drift off slowly, not caring that the lamp was still on or that the boy in his arms wasn’t his to have for the night.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's another long one for you guys, since you guys are so great and still love me even though I take forever to update (:

Dean woke up to something nuzzling his cheek. He rolled away with a groan, silently hating Sam for trying to wake him up so early. For Christ sake, his alarm hadn’t even gone off yet. A wet kiss landed just below his jaw, right on his sensitive spot and his dick twitched. Dean’s eyes shot open. Definitely not Sam. It took him a moment to register where he was, but when he did his stomach dropped. Castiel was straddling him, waking him up with kisses. All Dean wanted to do was kiss him back but he couldn’t. He looked over at the clock on the table but it wasn’t the right time. There was no way it was four in the afternoon.

                “Wake up sleepy head.” Castiel whispered into his ear, a smile playing on his lips. He kissed his jawline, making his way to his chin then up to his lips. Dean didn’t kiss him back, causing Castiel to pull back.

                “What time is it?” Dean asked quietly. Castiel stared down at him for a moment, confusion and worry playing on his face.

                “Five thirty.”

                “In the morning?” Dean was trying to keep the panic from his voice. His dad was going to murder him. And Sam. Oh god, Sam is probably so worried.

                “Yes. We gotta get going baby.” He was still smiling, which annoyed Dean.

                “I’m gonna get my ass kicked Cas.”

                “No, you’ll be fine.” Castiel began trying to kiss him again. Despite his best efforts Dean felt himself melting into the bed. His lips molded against Castiel’s as his hands slid up Castiel’s naked sides. Castiel shivered before lowering his lips to Dean’s chest. They were both gloriously naked and hard.

                “Well I definitely won’t be fine.” Dean whispered in a low voice as Castiel moved down his stomach, his lips inching dangerously close to his dick. “But I’m gonna be in trouble either way now. Might as well enj-Ah!” Dean cried as Castiel wrapped his lips around his dick. Castiel let out a mischievous laugh before beginning to bob up and down. Dean tangled his fingers into Castiel’s hair, pulling gently. Castiel moaned, sending vibrations up and through Dean. Dean bucked his hips, already feeling the heat pool in his stomach as his muscles tightened.

                “No. Cas. Gonna. Oh god. Gonna come.” Instead of slowing down he sped up, pushing Dean right over the edge. He smiled as he swallowed every last drop of the boy, watching as he twitched and jerked.

                “I love watching you fall apart.” Castiel whispered, licking his lips. Dean offered him a lazy smile, running his fingers gently through Castiel’s hair.

                “ ‘S long as you put me back together.”

                “Of course.” Castiel moved so that his lips were interlocked with Dean’s. Dean brought his hand down to Castiel’s cock, jerking it as they made out. The whole process was slow and lazy, but the only word on either of their minds when Castiel finally spilled over onto Dean’s belly was _perfect._

 

 

 

 

 

                “Where have you been?” Sam whispered, confronting his brother right outside the front door. Dean looked at him, both boys in the same clothing as yesterday.     

                “Didn’t you wear that yesterday?” Dean asked him skeptically. Sam looked down at his clothes before back up at Dean. He shifted his back pack on his shoulder before chancing a glance at the half open door.

                “I could ask you the same thing.” Sam whispered in a menacing tone. Dean’s eyebrows scrunched up as he looked past his brother at the door way. He saw movement in the hallway, something that was rare this early in the morning. “He’s angry.”

                Dean shook his head, pretending not to hear his brother. “I’m sorry Sam. I’ll try and wash the clothes tonight.”

                “Dean I don’t care about my dirty clothes. Don’t go in there. Let’s just walk to school, we already missed the bus.” Sam’s small body was shaking with fear. He knew as well as Dean did that there was no way this was going to end well.

                “Did you eat breakfast?”

                “There’s nothing here.” The two boys stared at each other for a moment. A wave of anger passed through Dean as he pushed past his brother.

                “Wait here Sammy. Don’t come inside, no matter what you hear okay?” He didn’t wait for his brother to answer, knowing he would listen. He walked through the front door, slamming it shut behind him. His dad was standing at the counter, a full glass of whiskey in front of him. Dean tried walking past him to the bedroom, knowing that he wouldn’t make it. His father struck out fast, catching Dean in the side of his head. Dean wobbled for a moment before continuing walking. He made it a few more steps before his father grabbed the back of his neck, throwing him down. He felt his head crack against the tiled floor, his vision blurring for a second before focusing in time to see his father take a sip of his drink.

                “Fucking bastard.” Dean didn’t realize until his father’s eyes met his that he said this out loud. He scrambled to get to his feet as his father’s stance shifted from angry to down right pissed off. He pushed his way down the hall, trying to get to his bedroom before his father caught him. The glass of whiskey exploded an inch away from his head as he fumbled with the door knob. He felt heard his shirt rip as he was pulled back, his head smashing against the wall. He heard the shatter of glass from behind him, realizing as warm blood trickled down his scalp that he must have broken one of the few picture frames up on the wall. This reminded him of Castiel, and for a brief moment he smiled. The smiled was wiped from his face in the form of a fist. Three punches later and his father released his grip on Dean’s shirt, letting him slide to the floor. He wrapped his hand into Dean’s hair, pulling his face up so that he could look at him. For a moment Dean’s breath caught in his throat. It looked as if his dad was going to say something. But he didn’t, instead shaking his head and walking away.

Dean waited a moment before standing up. He pushed into his bedroom on shaky legs, looking for a new shirt. The nearest one he could find was a faded navy blue shirt that was too big for him. It was Castiel’s. Dean tugged the bloody shirt off his body, wiping his face with it before pulling the new one on. It smelt of Castiel, which was the reason Dean had swiped it from his place. But now he realized why else he loved it so much. It felt like Castiel was holding him right now. In this moment, he was safe.

Dean grabbed his back pack, slinging it over his shoulder. He glanced in the mirror mounted on the wall. His left side of his face was slightly yellow, a large bruise forming quickly. His lip was split in two places and his cheek was cut slightly. It was bad, but not the worst. Dean sighed, pushing his way through the door. His father was sitting on his usual chair, staring at the morning news. Dean whispered a goodbye to him, knowing full well his father wasn’t going to hear it. He softly closed the door behind himself, offering Sam a small smile before beginning to walk down the street. He checked the time on his phone, knowing he wasn’t going to be lucky enough to miss his first hour.


	9. Chapter 9

“Dean.” Castiel whispered as he let his fingers slowly wander over the bruises on his back. Dean remained silent, allowing his body to sink into the soft sheets of Castiel’s bed. His eyelids fluttered shut as Castiel began kissing the bruises. “Dean.”

“Please, don’t.” Dean knew they needed to talk about it. He knew that Castiel, not only as his boyfriend but as his teacher, could not let this happen anymore. He knew that the beatings had to stop, the days without food, the long shifts at the Roadhouse, the struggle to pay rent. He knew it all had to stop, but he didn’t want to talk about it yet. All he wanted to do was rewind twelve hours; make it so he never left Castiel’s bed. 

“Where is Sam?” Dean sighed, knowing Castiel wasn’t going to drop it. 

“At a friends. Told him I would pick him up at seven.” They both tried not to look at the clock, which now showed the correct time. 6:15. 

“How are you going to pick him up?” 

“It’s not far. Walking distance.” Castiel rolled his eyes, trying to keep calm.

“Dean, everything to you is walking distance.” 

“Well yeah, I don’t have a car.” Castiel pondered this for a moment. 

“Do you have your license?” Dean nodded. “So if you were to happen upon a car, you would be able to drive it.”

“No.” Dean said firmly, lifting his head off the pillow.

“Why wouldn’t you b-“ 

“You are not buying me a car Cas.”

“I wasn’t planning on buying you a-“ 

“You’re not giving me one either.”

“Dean.”

“End of discussion.” Castiel knew that it really wasn’t, not if he didn’t want it to be. He had pushed Dean through enough hoops to know that every bone in the boy’s body was submissive. If Castiel wanted this conversation to continue, it would. But he had bigger fish to fry, this one was not worth it tonight. 

“Why don’t you see if he can spend the night?” Castiel asked quietly. Dean shrugged his shoulders. It wasn’t that he didn’t think Sam would be able to, Sam’s best friend’s mother wasn’t clueless as to the situation at home, but wasn’t sure he was ready to have to talk to his dad again. He hated asking his father for things, especially over the phone. Deciphering mumbles and grunts always gave him a head ache. 

“This really wasn’t that bad Cas.” Dean sighed, sitting up in the bed. “I can go home. It’s really not a big deal.” Castiel felt a sharp pang in his chest. He hated that this wasn’t bad to Dean. That the bruises and cuts and grumbling tummy weren’t bad to him. They were normal. 

“Dean this has to be the last time, okay?”

“And if it’s not?” Dean’s eyes were dark and cold. Castiel shivered, knowing that this was going to end in a fight between the two of them. 

“Dean.”

“I dare you Cas. I dare you to report him. To tear my family apart like that.”

“Dean.” Dean shook his head quickly, tears pricking at his eyes. He stood up, putting as much distance as he could between himself and Castiel.

“Don’t. Just don’t.” Dean walked out, leaving Castiel behind. Castiel sat on the bed, waiting for the sound of front door. When he was rewarded with a loud slam he stood up, running his fingers through his hair. He picked up his cell phone, dialing for the fifth time that day the number for Child Protective Services. He had the damn thing memorized already. But just like the other four times, he hit the red button instead of the green. He threw his phone down, silently cursing himself. 

 

 

The next time John hit Dean was six days later. Dean had burnt dinner, the last possible food left in the house. It probably would have been edible too. The noodles weren’t stale and the spaghetti sauce was only a few days expired. But Dean had to pee so bad, and Sam was taking a nap. He didn’t want to wake him, and he sure as hell didn’t want to ask his dad for help, so he left the food unattended for a minute or two. When he came back it was burning. He didn’t know how it had happened so fast, or why. All he knew was within seconds his father was standing behind me. He slapped him in the back of his head as hard as he could, sending Dean forward into the steaming pot. His hands went out to steady himself, burning against the hot metal. Dean cried out but his father grabbed his hand, holding it there. Dean could smell his flesh. His stomach churned. 

John let go, pushing him out of the way. He took the pot off the burner, quickly dumping it into a fresh, cold one. It looked salvageable. John dumped the meal into two large bowls, setting one down for Sam and taking the other for himself. It was a silent command. Dean was not to eat. He waited for his father to leave the room before letting out a strangled sob. He walked quickly over to the sink, running his hand under the cold water. Sam walked in just as Dean had wrapped a dirty dish rag around his bubbling hand. 

“I burnt it a little bit. Doesn’t taste too bad.” Dean pushed out, his voice strangled. Sam looked at him questioningly for a moment. 

“You already ate?” This was unusual, Dean knew this. But he would rather lie to his brother than tell the truth.

“Yeah. Sorry, I was so fricken hungry man.” Dean shrugged, offering his brother a tight smile before walking down the hall to his room. He wanted so badly to call Castiel crying, to tell him what just happened. But he knew he couldn’t. Castiel believed him that things were getting better. Believed him that he had actually had the balls to warn his father that enough was enough. He silently prayed that this would heal quickly. He laid down on the bed, curling into a ball, letting himself cry as he drifted off to sleep. 

 

 

Dean’s phone went off for the third time in only seven minutes. Castiel sighed, pausing his thrusting to look down at Dean. “You’re sure it isn’t important?” Dean looked up at Castiel, and then down his body, taking in the two naked forms joined together. He wiggled his ass a little, groaning at the feeling of fullness. Nothing could be more important than this right here. 

“I’m sure. Probably just Sam wondering if I’ll be home for dinner.”

“Will you be?” Dean glanced at the clock, sighing at the fact that it was already past five. He knew if he didn’t make it home Sam would be able to cook himself something, but he would pay for it later. His dad didn’t like when Dean didn’t do his job. Cook, clean, watch Sam. The only things Dean is good for according to John. 

“Yeah. Hopefully.” The ringing had stopped by this point and Castiel began moving again. His lips had just started molding together with Dean’s when the phone went off again.

“Fucking Christ.” Castiel grumbled as he reached over to the table. He slammed the phone into Dean’s waiting hand, gritting his teeth as Dean flipped it open.

“Someone better be dying Sammy.”

“Well, depends on if you mean right this moment or soon.” Dean shifted, knowing Castiel could hear every word from the other side of the conversation. He looked up, offering him a tight smile. 

“What’s up?” 

“Dad’s gone.” Dean’s muscles clenched as he took in a sharp breath. Castiel let out a low groan at the sudden tightness. He mouthed an apology to Dean as Dean stared up at him. 

“What do you mean gone?” Dean asked before silently whispering to Castiel that it was okay.

“Like gone. Packed up and left.” Sam’s voice was shaking. Castiel went to pull out but Dean shook his head, holding him in place. He needed Castiel there more than ever now. “He left a note.”

“What’s it say?”

“Gone hunting. Won’t be back for a few weeks. Take care of Sam.” Dean took in a deep breath. He could almost hear Sam’s body shaking. This was both a very good and very bad thing, both boys knew this. They didn’t have John in their lives anymore, at least not for a while. They wouldn’t have to watch every step and every word. They could breathe again. But hunting only meant one thing. One very bad thing. 

“I’ll be home in a minute.”

“No it’s fine. Jess’s mom is coming to pick me up in a few minutes anyway. She’s giving me and Jess a ride to one of the girl’s in our class’ birthday party.” Dean sighed in relief. There was no way he wanted to leave Castiel right now. 

“Okay. Can you have her call me?”

“Why?” Sam sounded skeptical, Dean knew why. He hated when Dean asked parents to keep Sam overnight. He hated feeling like he was at a friend’s house because he had to be instead of for fun. 

“Just to make sure you’re safe, and to see what time I should expect you home.”

“Okay.” Dean could hear Sam shift awkwardly, and he wondered if his ride was already there. 

“Ya know what, I trust ya Sammy. Can you just text me what time you’re gonna be home please?” 

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Love you Dean.” Dean’s face turned red as he looked up at Castiel. He knew it shouldn’t be a big deal, but for some reason he was embarrassed. 

“Yeah, yeah. Love you too Sammy.” After the line went dead Dean dropped the phone, letting it slide to the floor. He looked up at Castiel, trying to keep himself calm. Castiel shifted, letting his body lay on top of   
Dean’s. “My dad’s gone.”

“I heard.” Castiel softly stroked Dean’s cheek, wondering what the hell to say or do. “I didn’t know he liked to hunt.” Dean flinched at this.

“Hunting.” Dean laughed, a sad and sarcastic laugh. “He doesn’t hunt. Not the way you think at least.”

“What do you mean?”

“He hunts my mom. Ever since she left him. He gets a lead or hears a rumor and he takes off.”

“Dean.” Dean didn’t realize he was shaking until Castiel said his name. Just then did he realize how bad he was panicking. 

“Me and Sam still haven’t decided what exactly he’ll do when he catches her.”

“You don’t think he’ll convince her to come back?” Dean scoffed at this, shaking his head.

“No. No that won’t happen. Even if he tried she wouldn’t do it. He knows that.” Dean lifted his hand, running his fingers through his hair. “I think he’ll kill her. Sam just thinks that he’ll give up and come home but.” He trailed off, letting his eyes slide shut. He took a deep breath before continuing. “But I think he’ll kill her.”

“Dean.”

“Can we just pretend it didn’t happen?” 

“Dean.” Castiel looked down at him, his gaze soft but assertive. He didn’t want Dean wiggling his way out of this one. 

“Please.” Dean bucked his hips, feeling Castiel harden inside of him. “Need you. Make me forget.” Castiel stared at him for a long moment before bringing his lips down to Dean’s. Dean didn’t ask for things often, but when he did Castiel liked giving them to him.


	10. Chapter 10

“Ewww, fruit is fucking disgusting.” Dean scrunched his nose at the container of mixed fruit, shaking his head.

“No, fruit is fucking healthy.” Castiel countered. They were at a grocery store fifty miles out of town. Far enough, they had decided, that they wouldn’t get caught together.

“If you’re going to force me to let you buy us food, it will not be shit like that.” Castiel rolled his eyes, putting the fruit back down. He pushed the cart further down the aisle, stopping at yet another section of healthy food. “Rabbit food. NO.”

“What about Sam?” This got Dean to pause. He looked at the food again, eyeing it up. He tried to remember back to when they were a family. Back when the fridge had been stocked and a meal was on the table every night. He was pretty sure Sammy liked this kind of stuff.

“Fine. I guess Sam would probably like this stuff.” Dean shrugged, a new wave of embarrassment washing over him. He hated that Castiel was making him do this. But he knew deep down they needed it. Knew deep down how happy Sammy would be when he saw the fridge. They made their way up and down the aisles, fighting every step of the way. Dean didn’t want him to buy things that were too expensive; his reasoning being that Sam would wonder how they could afford so many groceries that were so expensive. Castiel didn’t want to buy junk food, knowing the boys needed healthy food for all the nourishment they were missing. After two and a half hours they finally had a cart full of items they both agreed on.

Once they filled the trunk Dean tried walking away. Castiel pulled him in close, kissing him right out in the open. It made Dean’s body shake with excitement. “Thank you for letting me do this. You will be rewarded.” He kissed Dean on the tip of his nose before walking away to the driver’s side of the car. Dean’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment as he let the feeling of being loved and cared for wash over him.

 

 

 

“Woah, what the fuck happened to the fridge?” Dean tried to hide his smile as he pushed around the sliced up chicken in the skillet.

“Hopefully nothing?”

“Shut up, you know what I mean. Where did all this come from?” Dean shrugged, setting down the spatula so he could move onto stirring the noodles in the pot beside him.

“I got some good tips this week, figured I would splurge.”

“What about rent?”

“Sam.”

“And laundry? And the money you need to ride the bus to work?”

“Sam.”

“You have to take this back Dean. It’s too much. All of this is too much.” Sam was panicking, it was written all over his face. Dean cursed quietly to himself, dropping the spoon he was using to stir the noodles.

“I didn’t buy it, okay Sam? It’s okay. I didn’t buy it.”

“You stole it!?” Sam screamed. His eyes were wide with shock and fear.

“No. Just calm down, okay?” Dean turned back to the stove, making sure nothing was burning. Dean wanted nothing more than to explain to Sam what was going on. Who had bought them this food and why. But he was afraid. What would Sam think?

“What are you making?”

“Chicken alfredo.”

“But we haven’t-“

“Had it in months, I know. But I rememebered it was your favorite.”

“Cut the crap Dean, what’s going on?” Dean took a deep breath, turning the burner off. He began making each of them a bowl, pouring warm sauce over the chicken and the noodles. “Dean.”

“My boyfriend bought them.”

“You’re boyfriend.” Sam’s voice cracked on the last part. He had his suspicions, sure, but he had never really known.

“Yes Sam. My boyfriend.”

“Bought us groceries?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” Dean set both bowls down, now staring at his brother. Out of all the things Sam could say right now, and he wants to know why?

“He knew we were running low.”

“Oh.” Sam scratched his head. He walked to the fridge, opening it once again. The immense amount of food took his breath away. “Your boyfriend could afford all this?”

“He’s, uh-“ Dean sat down, hoping Sam would do the same. “Older.”

Sam narrowed his eyes at his brother, taking a seat across from him. He pushed the food around his bowl for a moment, trying to piece things together. “Like he’s a senior?”

“Like he’s an adult.”

“Oh.” Dean watched as the wheels turned in his brother’s head. He wondered, for the hundredth time today, if he was going to tell him the full truth or not.

“Yeah.”

“Like just out of high school adult?”

“No.” Dean gave his brother a tight smile. Sam didn’t return it.  
 

“Dean.”

“Don’t be mad at me.”

“Dean.”

“Sam.” Both brothers stared at each other for a few seconds, before laughing. They both hated being so serious. “You’re not gonna like it.”

“Try me.”

“Mr. Novak.”

“What?” But he knew. The question was only to buy himself some time to think. Dean took a deep breath, pushing away the fear of Sam knowing this.

“It just happened.”

“No, tripping over a rock just happens. Swearing on accident in front of an adult just happens. Dating a teacher doesn’t just happen.” Dean stared at his brother, wondering for the first time when they hell he grew up. Dean sighed, shoveling food into his mouth. Sam began doing the same. For a while they ate in silence, until Sam took a deep breath and broke it. “Is he nice?”

“Yeah.” Dean smiled, nodding his head. “Yeah, he really is Sam.”

“Good.” Sam smiled, looking down at his food. “Tell him thanks, I guess.”

“I will.” Sam went back to eating. Dean cleared his throat. “Do you, I mean, would you like to meet him?”

“Right now?” Sam sat up straighter, looking around as if Dean was going to conjure him from thin air.

“No, when you’re ready. Maybe tomorrow or something?”

“Yeah.” Sam took in a large gulp of air. “Yeah, sure. I’m free tomorrow.”

“Cool.” Dean whispered. Sam nodded.

“Cool.”


	11. Chapter 11

“We have a problem.” Dean all but yelled as he strolled into Castiel’s classroom a full ten minutes early. Castiel glanced at the two kids to his left, making up a quiz. Dean stopped walking, staring at Castiel like a dear in headlights. The two kids looked at each other in confusion.

“Ahh, Mr. Winchester. You must have seen your grade online.” Dean’s face scrunched up for a moment before a slow smile spread across his face. 

“Yes. Yes, I did.” 

“Let’s just step outside and I can explain it to you.” Dean nodded as Castiel stood up, giving the two student’s a brief smile. Once safely in the empty hallway, with the classroom door closed behind them, Castiel turned a very pissed off expression onto Dean. “What the hell babe?”

“We have a problem.” Dean repeated himself, trying not to get intimidated by Castiel towering over him. 

“What?” Castiel’s expression shifted from anger to concern. He glanced around for a second before lifting his hand to Dean’s face. He only let the touch linger for a moment before dropping, but it was exactly what Dean needed. 

“He wants to meet you.”

“Who?” Castiel whispered, looking around as if the person was right beside them.

“Sam.” Dean rolled his eyes. Castiel looked down at him, his eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. If Dean wasn’t so annoyed he would find it completely adorable. Castiel ran his fingers through his hair, causing it to be even more messy than usual. This got Dean to smile.

“Why does Sam want to meet your English teacher?”

“Sam wants to meet my boyfriend.”

“Shh,” Castiel hushed Dean, looking around again as if someone was spying on them. He took a step back from Dean right as the two students opened his door. 

“Here you go sir.” The first one said, handing him the quiz. The second one followed. Castiel thanked them before pulling Dean into his classroom. 

“Okay, back track.”

“He saw the groceries and he started freaking out about how we couldn’t afford that much food and all of that and he was panicking so I told him my boyfriend bought them. And then I kinda told him who my boyfriend is.”

“Wow.” Castiel took a deep breath, then gave Dean big smile. “This is good. Right?”

“Yeah. I mean, I think so.”

“So what’s the problem?” 

“What if he doesn’t like you?” Dean asked, his eyes full of worry. Castiel let out a loud laugh.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence baby.”

“I’m serious. Or what if you don’t like him? Or what if he get’s freaked out. Or what if-“

“Hey, calm down.” Castiel leaned down, giving Dean a quick peck on the lips. This shut Dean up right away. “He will love me, because you do. And I will love him, because from what you’ve made him sound like, it won’t be hard.”

“I’m just so afraid. You two are my everything.” Dean’s cheeks flushed from the confession, but Castiel’s smile widened. 

“Well Dean Winchester, I gotta say. I’m honored to be put on the same level as your Sammy.”

 

 

Castiel knocked on the door right as Sam finished setting the table. Dean’s head shot up quickly at the sound. Both boys stared at each other for a moment. “Want me to get that?” Sam asked quietly as Dean reached down to pull the lasagna out of the oven. 

“Uhh, no. No, I’ve got it.” Dean walked toward Sam, fixing the collar of his flannel a little. “Be nice, okay?” 

“Okay.” Sam replied, only the tiniest bit of sarcasm in his tone. Dean walked over to the door, opening it slowly. Castiel smiled at Dean the minute he saw him. It was a lazy, relaxed smile. He had changed out of his dress clothes from earlier, now in a pair of faded jeans and a navy blue v neck sweater. His eyes glowed bright with excitement. 

“Hey you.” He shifted on his feet awkwardly, waiting to be invited in. 

“Hey.” They both stared at each other for a few more seconds. Castiel’s smile grew wider. 

“You gonna invite me in, or am I meeting him out here?” Dean let out a nervous laugh, and then let him in. Sam stood next to the table, both hands on his hips. He had a careful smile on his face. “Hey Sam. Nice to meet you.” Castiel offered up his hand, shaking Sam’s quickly. 

“Yeah, nice to meet you too.” Dean couldn’t help but smile. His brother looked so adult in this moment. Castiel and Sam eyed each other up for a moment. 

“Hope you like lasagna.” Dean said awkwardly. Castiel rolled his eyes and laughed.

“Dean, you asked me that twice today. I didn’t change my mind.”

“Right.” Dean offered them both a nervous smile. “Well then, I guess help yourself.” Everyone shifted around each other for a moment, trying to figure out where to go. After a few minutes they were all seated around the small table, shoveling the food into their mouths. No one talked for what felt like eternity. 

“So Sam, how’s school going?” 

“Good. I got all A’s this last quarter.” Sam looked up from his plate, pride all over his face. Dean looked at him in confusion.

“You never told me that.” Sam shrugged, looking back down at his plate. 

“You’ve been busy Dean.” Castiel coughed, pushing around the food on his plate. 

“What do you think you want to go to college for?” 

“Well, unlike Dean, I’m actually pretty set in my ways on that one.” Sam smiled at Dean, giving him a little wink. It had been something they joked about all the time. “I’ll either major in political science or English. Then head to law school.” 

“Nice.” Castiel smiled. “I majored in English. A few student’s in my classes were planning on law school afterwards.”

“Did you always want to be a teacher?” Sam leaned forward, his interest peaking. Castiel’s shoulders dropped a little. Dean instantly felt the mood shift. Castiel gave Sam a tight smile.

“Not exactly. But life happens.” Dean watched him shift uncomfortably. The rest of the night went smoothly, although Castiel was always just a little off. Sam didn’t seem to notice at all, but Dean couldn’t help it. When Dean sent Sam to bed around eleven he asked Castiel about it. Castiel shrugged the question off, giving Dean a soft kiss goodnight before heading out the door.


	12. Chapter 12

“Who’s the guy in the picture?” Dean asked quietly one night as they were lying on Castiel’s bed. Castiel’s eyes drifted over to the still broken picture frame on the bedside table. He let them linger for a moment before bringing them to look at Dean. 

“He was my best friend.” Castiel’s voice was tight, broken. His chest began to rise and fall a little faster. This was the moment, he could tell. “His name was Michael.”

“Was.” Dean whispered. Castiel looked down at him, searching his bright green eyes. 

“You don’t want to know.” HE really didn’t. Castiel knew that if Dean had any idea what was coming, he would drop it now. 

“Well it sounds like it’s something important to you babe.” 

“Yeah. He was.” Castiel cleared his throat. “He was like my brother.” 

“What happened?” Castiel sat up, letting Dean fall off him. He ran both his hands through his hair, taking in a deep breath. 

“Well in order to tell that story, I’ve gotta tell a different one.”

“Okay.” Castiel stood up, pulling his boxers on. Then his jeans. He couldn’t do this naked. Dean pulled the covers up to his chest, raising himself up onto his elbows. Castiel walked over to his closet, opening up the door. With another deep breath he took out a box. He brought it back over to the bed, placing it a few inches away from Dean. Dean watched carefully as he opened it. 

“I was fifteen when the Army recruiter came to our school. From that moment I was, uh, I was hooked.” Castiel scratched his head, pulling out his dog tags from underneath a pile of worn out letters. He handed them to Dean slowly. Dean stared at them for a moment before grabbing them, as if touching them would burn. He turned them slowly in his hands for a moment, his eyes glazed over lightly. “I signed that dotted line the second I could. I loved it, every minute of it. The training, the other soldiers, all of it. My first deployment was only four months long. I volunteered for the second one. That’s where I met Michael. His unit needed a sharp shooter, so I went.”

“Wait. Slow down.” Dean’s voice was shaking. He was squeezing the tags in his hands, willing them to disappear. “You were in the Army?”

“Yes. Airborne Infantry.” Castiel couldn’t help but feel proud as he said it. But the look on Dean’s face wiped all the pride away. 

“How long?” 

“A year and a half.” Dean scrunched his eyebrows. His grip tightened on the tags.  
“I didn’t know you could sign up for such a little amount of time.” 

“You can’t.I was-“ Castiel’s fingers played with the letters in the box, pushing them around a little. “Army was gonna be my career. I was in for good.”

“Was in it for good. Was my best friend.” Dean offered up a tiny, sad smile. “Why do I have a feeling somethin’ bad happened.” Castiel ran a finger down Dean’s cheek. Dean flinched, trying to pull away. 

“Don’t hate me.”

“You lied to me. You let me sit there and bash something you obviously loved. You-“ Dean stood up, still clutching the tags in his hand. Tears streaked his cheeks. Castiel took a step forward, Dean stepped back. “Don’t touch me. Don’t come near me.”

“Dean.”

“Stay right there. You can keep talking, just stay right there. Please.”

“Okay.” Castiel looked around, trying to remember where he left off. “Can I be honest?”

“Oh,” Dean rolled his eyes, letting out a small laugh. “Now you wanna be honest? Sure go ahead.”

“I-“ Castiel gritted his teeth. Now he was getting angry. He balled up his fists. “I’m not ready to talk about what happened to him. What happened to us.” Dean stared at him for a moment. His grip loosened on the tags. He looked down at them again, looking more closely. One of them had Castiel’s name on it. The other, Michael’s. Dean’s eyes slid closed as he silently thanked god he hadn’t thrown them when he got upset earlier. He took three short steps towards Castiel, handing them to him. Castiel took them, holding them gently in his hands. 

“I love you.” Castiel’s chest tightened at the sound of the words. 

“You do?” He whispered. Dean’s lips quirked up a little.

“I do.” Dean put his hand over Castiel’s, so they were both holding the tags. “I’m so fricken pissed at you. But I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Well you sure as hell better.” Castiel giggled, then Dean. They laughed for a few seconds, everything lifting from their shoulders. Then their smiles both slipped. 

“I used to wear these, ya know.” He whispered. 

“Well yeah, isn’t that a rule or something?” Dean asked softly.

“No, I mean I used to wear them just a few months ago. Up until the day you gave that speech in class. That was when I realized how much it would hurt you.”

“You should have told me Cas.”

“Would we be standing here if I had?” They both knew the answer to that. No. Dean would have hated him from the start, out of principle. Castiel didn’t even realize what was happening until Dean’s lips were crushed against his. The tags started slipping from his fingers as he lifted his hands to cradle Dean’s face. Dean caught them, pulling his lips away. He slid the chain over Castiel’s head, watching as the tags fell against his naked chest. Castiel sighed with relief. It felt like he had come home again. 

“Those stay there as long as you want them to be there, understood?” Castiel nodded slowly, a soft smile on his lips. 

“Promise you won’t be like him?” Dean’s voice was almost below a whisper. Castiel could barely make out what he was saying.

“Like who?”

“My dad.”

“Oh baby.” The tears slowly slid down his cheeks. Castiel wiped them away gently, cradling Dean’s face in his callused hands. “I would never. I would never hurt you. You’re my Zeppelin.” 


	13. Chapter 13

The first night both boys slept over was a Tuesday. There was going to a bad storm that night, most likely resulting in the cancelation of school. Dean had mentioned the previous day that their heat was broken, the landlord saying it would take at least a week to fix. Sam was at Castiel’s large oak table, his books and folders sprawled out across half of it. Castiel walked over to him, setting down a warm cup of hot chocolate right next to his pencil. “Need any help bud?” 

“Unless you can convince Mrs. Jonston that this much homework is cruel and unusual. No.” Castiel laughed at the amount of grumpiness in Sam’s voice. Dean walked into the room, a pair of Castiel’s sweatpants hanging low on his hips. He scratched his bare chest as he walked over to the table, a smile on his face. 

“Eww, is that Earth Science?” 

“Yup.” Dean cringed. He picked up the mug of hot chocolate, getting it half way to his mouth before Castiel yelled at him. 

“Yours is in the kitchen. Leave his alone.” Dean set down the cup, rolling his eyes. He ruffled Sam’s hair softly before making his way towards the kitchen. Castiel trailed behind me. Once out of sight, Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist. He let a finger dip beneath his waistband. “These pants are mine.”

“They sure are.” Dean let out a girlish giggle. He was so happy he didn’t even get embarrassed by it. “But then again, so am I.”

“Yes, you are.” Castiel turned him around quickly, landing his lips on Dean’s. 

“Hey Cas, can you help me quick?” Sam yelled from the dining room. They pulled apart from each other, both of them smiling. 

“Yeah, one sec little man!” Castiel landed one last long kiss on Dean’s lips before strolling out. Dean leaned back against the counter, his eyes sliding close. He smiled to himself as he listened to Castiel explain the shifting of the Earth’s plates. 

 

 

“You know, it’s only a few weeks until you’re eighteen.” Castiel whispered into the darkness. They were both lying on their backs beside each other, trying to calm their breathing from over an hour of sex. Dean smiled. “Couple months after that and you’ll graduate.”

“Then we can do this publicly.” Castiel laughed at this softly. 

“Well yes. Not what I meant though.”

“Oh?” Dean whispered. 

“You ever think about trying to get custody of him?” Dean shifted uncomfortably. 

“That’d be shitty.”

“Really?” Castiel moved so that he was on his side, looking at Dean’s face lit in the moonlight. “Why is that?”

“That would ruin my dad.”

“What about what will ruin Sam?” The air hung with a shrill silence. It was deafening. 

“I’m taking care of Sam.” Dean all but yelled. Castiel jumped. He brought his hand out, gently touching Dean’s face. Dean swatted his hand away. “I take damn good care of Sammy.”

“You do. I know you do baby.” Castiel touched his face again, this time without Dean hitting him. “But imagine how much better you could take care of him if he was yours to take care of.” 

“Cas.”

“How old were you, the first time he hit you?” Dean shrugged. “Only a matter of time until it’s Sam showing up to school with bruises.” 

“Fuck off.” Dean rolled away from him, facing the wall. His shoulders rose and fell fast, hard. 

“Just think about it, please.” They both lay there for a long time. Castiel stared up at the ceiling, his mind running off in a million directions. He tried sorting through his thoughts, knowing if he fell asleep thinking about Dean’s dad, or Michael, he’d have nightmares. He jumped when Dean spoke again, thinking he had fallen asleep. 

“Where would we live?” 

“You pay rent, don’t you?” Dean lay there for a moment, his breathing shallow.

“Only half of it. The VA covers the other half.” 

“You could live here.” Dean shifted in the bed so he could face Castiel. 

“Really?”

“Yes, of course.” Both boys stared at each other. Dean sighed loudly, then closed his eyes. 

“I’ll think about it.” Castiel smiled at him before shutting his own eyes.

“All I ask Zeppelin.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here you go my friends. Just a warning, this one made me cry while writing it so apologize ahead of time if this hits ya in the feels!! It's a bit short, but the next one if preeettty long so be patient! (Also if you could comment and give me some feedback, more fluff, more smut? Should I be going faster with moving the plot along or do you want some more fluff???) (:

“Sammy.” Dean whispered, leaning up against the door frame of Castiel’s guest bedroom. Sam was tucked into the bed, a book perched in his lap. Sam looked up, flashing Dean a genuinely happy smile. For a moment it took Dean’s breath away. “Can we talk?”

“Uhh,” Sam glanced down at his book, not really wanting to be interrupted. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

“It’s about-“ Dean stepped into the room, then back again, not sure where to go. “Well I guess it’s about everything.” Dean settled back against the doorframe, finding it the safest option. 

“You’re worrying me.” Sam’s eyebrows furrowed as he slowly closed his book. Dean shook his head, laughed a little.

“Don’t be worried. I just need to know a few things.” When Sam nodded he continued. “How do you feel, about me and Cas?”

“I like him.” Sam’s voice was so matter of fact. It made Dean smile.

“Yes, but how do you feel about the relationship. About being around us?” Dean’s voice was strangled. Out of all the questions he was going to ask tonight, this was the second most important. 

“I never knew what love was like,” Sam shrugged, looking anywhere but Dean. “I don’t remember mom and dad together, and well, Dad’s not the most loving.” 

“I know.”

“And I mean, we love each other, but it’s nice. It’s nice seeing that kind of love too.” Sam shrugged again, his cheeks red with embarrassment. “It’s nice seeing you happy.”

“So it doesn’t bother you. That he’s a guy. And he’s older?”

“No.” Sam rolled his eyes. “I may be young but none of that matters Dean. We’ve been homeless before. I’ve seen you beaten and bloody before, from our own father. I don’t give two fucks about that stuff.”

“Watch your language.” Dean snapped, with a shit eating grin on his face. Sam just laughed, shaking his head. The brothers exchanged a knowing look for a moment before the mood in the room shifted. “Dream world Sammy, what do you want to happen?”

“Dream world?” Sam’s eyes lit up. Dean backtracked a little, realizing Sam didn’t fully comprehend. 

“I mean, a realistic dream world. With the situation we’re in.”

“Honestly?” Sam’s eyes didn’t lose any of the light. Dean smiled and nodded. “I don’t want to ever see him again.” 

“Sam-“

“No.” Sam shouted. “You asked, I get to answer. I know he is our father, but you’re more of a father to me than he ever was. I don’t even remember the sound of his voice, or what his smile looks like. Far as I’m concerned, you’re my only family. So I don’t want to ever see him again.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Sam asked incredulously. 

“Yes, Sammy.” Dean sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. He took a few steps forward, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Sam stared at him, his mouth slightly opened. “This is hypothetical, okay?”  
Sam’s face crumbled. He took in a short breath, trying to control his emotions. He had believed his brother. “Okay.” He whispered. 

“I turn eighteen at the end of the month. It’d be tough. Shit Sammy, it’s be really tough, but I could fight for you. Fight to get custody of you. It’d probably get ugly. I’d probably have to tell a lot of people about Dad. But I could do it. In just a couple weeks.”

“Where would we live?”

“Well, I would try and find us our own place but Cas offered for the time being.”

“What about food and clothes? What about school?” Sam’s voice was paniced, but there was excitement underneath. 

“I would take care of all of that. You would keep going to school.”

“But that’s expensive. And I’m a handful. I mean, what about when I’m sick or when I start getting girlfriends or when I have to learn to drive?” Dean laughed, a full on belly laugh.

“Woah there kiddo, don’t get ahead of yourself.” Dean shook his head. “I would take care of you Sammy. Through all of that.”

“What about college?”

“There’s one just up the road. It’s a community college, but that’s all my grades are good for anyway.” Dean shrugged.

“I want to.” Sam nodded. He looked like a little ball of energy about to blow. “Please Dean, I want that. All of that.”

“It’s just hypo-“

“No.” Sam shook his head furiously. Dean’s smile slipped away, replaced with something more. “No, Dean. Promise me.”

“Okay.”

“No. Promise.” Sam was choking back tears now. “Promise me the minute you turn eighteen you’ll take me away.”

“I promise.” Sam started sobbing, throwing himself into Dean’s arms. Dean cradled his small body, his own tears spilling down his cheeks. “I promise Sammy. I promise.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here's some more happy fluff!! Next chapter won't be so happy, so enjoy while it lasts :(
> 
> -For all the people who have been commenting, I LOVE YOU GUYS. You make me smile every time, and your comments definitely encourage me to keep writing!! So thank you, thank you, thank you , thank you (:

“How about we go get a Christmas tree?” Castiel asked over Sunday breakfast. Sam’s eyes drooped from being woken up so early, and his long hair was pushed in different directions. Dean’s head was resting in the palm of his hand, Castiel’s large grey shirt hanging loosely off one shoulder. Both of them sat straighter at the question.

“Really? Like an actual Christmas tree?” Sam asked, his voice husky with exhaustion. Dean put down his fork, looking up at Castiel with a big smile on his face. Castiel gave them both a questioning look.

“Well, it is only a week until Christmas boys.” Dean looked at Sam, who looked back at him. They both shrugged.

“Yeah, sorry.” Dean said, his mouth full of French toast. “Just not used to the whole Christmas thing.”

“You guy don’t do Christmas?” Castiel asked, surprise in his voice. 

“We used to.” Sam whispered. Dean glanced at his younger brother, a sad smile on his face. 

“But a Christmas tree sounds like fun, hey Sammy?” Sam’s eyes brightened at this. 

“You mean, we can actually do it? Dad won’t get mad at us?” Sam looked as if he was about to bounce out of his seat. His smile was incredible. 

“I don’t see dad around, do you?” Dean asked quietly. Sam smiled and shook his head. “Then I don’t see why not.” 

Castiel smiled at the two of them. “Get dressed, then we can go pick one out. There’s a place the next town over that sells really big ones.” Sam hopped up, leaving his half eaten breakfast on the table. Dean didn’t even yell after him to finish his meal, instead standing up to join him. 

 

Castiel sat in his old leather recliner in the corner of the living room, a mug of hot chocolate in his hands. A vintage Elvis Christmas vinyl was spinning slowly on the record player in the corner. Dean and Sam were standing side by side, staring at the bright green Christmas tree. Both of their backs were straight, their arms crossed tightly against their chests. They had been staring at the blank tree for a few minutes now, as if it was the most important thing in the world. 

“I believe you begin with the star.” Dean stated finally, his face serious.

“No, no that can’t be right. I feel like that should be the final thing. The icing on the cake, you know?” Sam quietly said, his face matching his brothers. They went back to staring at it again, both of them contemplating. Castiel took a sip of his drink, trying hard not to smile. He had offered his own advice when they started this, but they didn’t want his opinion. They told him to sit down and shush, he gets Christmas every year. This is their turn. Castiel’s kind of glad though. He found it incredibly amusing. 

“You’re right. The star is last.” Dean confirmed. They both nodded. The song switched, leaving the room completely silent for a few seconds. Dean shifted his weight, tilting his head to look at the tree from a different angle. Sam glanced at his brother, then did the same. 

“The lights should probably go first.” Dean said. Sam stared for a long time before shaking his head.

“No, the ornaments.” 

“This is rocket science guys, you just-“

“Shut up!” Both boys yelled at Castiel, not moving an inch of their bodies as they continued to stare at the tree. Castiel took another sip of his mug, trying like hell not to laugh at them. He looked at Dean, watching him as he stood there in Castiel’s baggy sweatpants and t-shirt. At that moment he fell even more in love, if that was possible, with Dean Winchester. 

“Oh, the tree thing! The skirt!” Dean cried out. 

“Shit, yeah!”

“Language!” Dean yelled at his brother. They stared at each other for a long moment, their faces still serious. Then Dean cracked a smile, reaching out to mess up Sam’s hair. 

“Okay.” Sam said through a small laugh. “So the tree skirt, then the..” He looked at Dean for his opinion.

“Lights. I think Light’s should go next.” Sam stared at the tree again, his arms still crossed. Then he nodded quickly. 

“Yes. Skirt, lights, then ornaments.. then star?” They both stared for a moment. Then they nodded at the exact same time. 

“Okay!” Castiel exclaimed, setting his mug down on the coffee table so he could stand up. Both boys turned to him, looking as if they had completely forgotten he was there. “Let’s get started.”

Castiel went into the other room quickly, bringing back a giant box full of decorations. Both of the boy’s eyes lit up. They jogged over to the center of the living room where he set the box down. Dean tore the lid off of it. “Hey, calm down! Some of this stuff is fragile.” The boys slowed, but they definitely didn’t stop. They put strings of white lights on, then strings of multicolored ones. After that they put on glass balls of all different sizes and colors. They added a few ornaments Castiel had that weren’t store bought, things from back home. When it was all done Castiel grabbed a chair from the dining room, helping Sam get up on it. Dean stood in front of Castiel, their bodies pressed tightly together, as they watched Sam put the star on top. Castiel motioned to the outlet on the wall, telling Sam to plug it all in, then he wound his arms around Dean’s waist, pulling him in tighter. 

When the tree lit up Dean gasped. Sam came and stood next to them, leaning his head on Castiel’s shoulder. They all stood there, their own tiny little family. Dean whispered. “Thank you.” Castiel landed a soft kiss on top of Dean’s head, then Sam’s. 

“Anything for you two boys.” Castiel whispered. “Anything.”


	16. Chapter 16

“I’ve got a buddy from the Army who’s a lawyer. Lives about 45 minutes away.” Cas told Dean quietly after class. Dean’s eyes flickered to the open classroom door, making sure no one was walking in yet. 

“How is he already a lawyer?” Dean asked, purposely getting sidetracked. 

“He’s not my age. He’s six years older. He was already done with college when he signed up. Didn’t know what he wanted to do with the rest of his life.”

“Was he there, when it happened?” Dean’s voice was quite. Castiel took a deep breath, trying to calm his annoyance.

“Yes, he was one of the seven that got discharged after the mission.” Dean went to say something, but Castiel cut him off. “I was thinking about calling him on my lunch break, asking his opinion on the matter.” Castiel watched Dean’s face for any sign of recognition, but it was blank. “If you don’t mind?”

“I told you I’m not ready for that yet.” Dean said, a little too loudly. Castiel shushed him, glancing over his shoulder to check if any students had appeared for next hour. 

“You’ve been saying that for two weeks now. I thought this was what you wanted?” Dean shrugged, slowly exhaling a breath. 

“I don’t know what I want anymore.” Dean shook his head, slowly backing away. The first student had strolled in, taking a seat just a few feet away from them. 

“Dean!” The student snapped her head up, giving them a quizzical look. Castiel glanced it her, offering her his best fake smile. Dean just walked out, shaking his head as he went. Castiel turned around, facing away from the rest of the students walking in. He ran a hand down his face, trying to figure out what to do. Every day since Dean made that promise to Sam, he gets more and more unsure. Sam had been asking him the last few days if it was still happening, this look of pure hope on his face. It killed Castiel every time Dean shrugged him off or ignored the question all together. 

“Okay.” Castiel said out loud, more of an exasperated exhale than a word. He was still facing away from the students, his hands resting on his hips. “Okay.” He repeated, turning around quickly. He clapped his hands together, pasting a smile on his face. “Today we’re going to be talking about Shakespeare.”

 

 

“Angeles Law, this is Amanda. How may I help you?” The girl’s voice was light and airy. Castiel smiled at the obvious politeness in her voice. 

“Uh, this is Cas. Castiel Novak. I need, uh, need to speak to Balthazar please?” Castiel shook his head. Usually he sounded so professional on the phone, but today his mind was full of too many thoughts.   
Too many worries.

“I’m sorry, he does not take calls without appointments. Would you like to schedule something or is this emergent?” The politeness was annoying now. Castiel rolled his eyes, biting his lip. 

“It’s emergent.” He knew it was a lie, but he couldn’t go another day without doing this. He was going crazy just sitting around. “Just tell him it’s Castiel Novak.” His voice was stern and impatient now. She sighed loudly, then asked him to please hold. Less than a minute later he heard a familiar voice on the other line.

“Novak, long time no talk.” He could hear the smile in Balthazar’s voice. Castiel smiled softly, but it started to slip as memories of him, Balthazar and Michael came rushing back. The last time they spoke was at Michael’s funeral, over four years ago. There was a reason they didn’t talk anymore. It was easier this way. 

“I know man, how’ve ya been?” 

“Good.” Balthazar sighed. “How have you been?”

“Oh, you know.” The silence hung for a moment. Balthazar knew, he was the only one who knew. The other four guys involved in the mission knew too. They knew what it sounded like to walk down a silent road when an IED explosive goes off just a few feet away. They knew what it was like to hear ringing in their ears, fighting to see through the spots of black in their eyes. They knew what it was like to watch a body get jerked in the air from bullets, swinging left to right as they rain down. They knew what it was like to put their hands on squirting holes, trying to control the bleeding. But they didn’t know like Castiel and Balthazar did. They didn’t know what it felt like to watch your best friend silently move his lips, fighting against the mouthful of blood to whisper his final words. They didn’t know what it felt like to see the life slip out of the eyes of a boy you called your brother. They didn’t know. But Balthazar did. 

“Yeah,” Balthazar whispered. “Yeah, I know.” The silence was long as both of their minds wandered. Balthazar coughed after a while. “Heard you’re teaching now?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, saw your dad the other day. He said you left home, had to get away.”

“Yeah.” Castiel’s eyes slid closed. It had been a while since he thought of his family. The only family member he still spoke to was Gabriel, and even that only happened every so often. None of them understood him when he got home. They all got tired of his drinking and silence. They all got tired of his anger.“Yeah I’m teaching at a high school in some small town.”

“Nice man. That’s good.” He laughed softly. “I’m assuming from the amount of poetry you always shoved down our throats that you’re teaching English?”

“Yeah,” Castiel let out a loud laugh. “Yeah, you would be correct in that assumption.” They both laughed again, their minds filling with memories again. This time ones with smiles on their faces and laughter in the air. “Congratulations on law school man.”

“Thanks. Life’s too fucking short, ya know? Figured I’d go after my dream.” 

“Is it everything you wanted it to be?”

“Yeah.” Balthazar let out a content sigh. “Yeah, man it’s great.”

“Speaking of life being short..” Castiel said nervously. “I’m in love.”

“No way.”

“Yup.”

“You? Castiel Novak? Mr. “I hate relationships and love, all it does is hold you back”?”

“Well, I’m not that Castiel anymore man.” Silence hung again. “Things change.”

“Well, congratulations man. Who’s the lucky guy?”

“His name’s Dean. He’s a,” Castiel bit his lip, his voice shaking. He was about to admit to a crime to a lawyer. This was bad, really bad. But it’s Balthazar, he reminded himself. “He’s a student.”

“Fuck.” Castiel could hear things shifting in the background as Balthazar shifted to a more businesslike position. “Fuck man. I’m gonna assume that’s the emergency. You got caught?”

“No.” Castiel said quietly. “No, not yet at least.”

“Is he threatening to tell?”

“No!” Castiel almost shouted. “No, it’s got nothing to do with that. With our relationship. Well I mean I guess it does, but no.”

“Alright man, you’re confusing the shit out of me now.”

“This is between us, okay? I’m not talking to a lawyer right now, I’m talking to my friend.”

“Yes, of course.” Castiel looked up at the clock, realizing he was running out of time until his lunch was over. He swiveled his chair, now staring out the window.

“Okay. So his home life situation is really shitty. His father is a veteran, and his mother left when she couldn’t handle his PTSD. His dad is, man his dad is fucked up. He drinks all the time, morning to night. He doesn’t talk, like at all. And he-”

“Man, you’re describing yourself when we got home.” Balthazar said it firmly, knowing it would upset Castiel. 

“This isn’t about me.” Castiel said loudly, his voice menacing.

“You were exactly like that though. You couldn’t-“

“Can you please not point out all of the ways I am like my boyfriend’s father? Because I am not like him, not anymore.”

“I know, but give him a break. You got better, right? Maybe he can too.”

“HE can’t, he’s-“

“Novak.”

“Just listen to me, okay?” Castiel begged, his voice shaking. 

“Okay.” Balthazar said firmly, prodding him to go on.

“That’s not the only stuff. He does stuff I would never do. Like he hits Dean. And not just pushing around every once in a while, not that that would be okay either, but he beats the shit out of him. Beats him unconscious. And he’s crazy about their mom, he keeps trying to find her, he tells them he’s hunting her. Like gonna kill her.” Castiel took a breath before continuing. “Dean’s almost eighteen, but he has a little brother who’s only twelve.” Castiel sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “He wants to get custody of him, so they can both leave.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.” Castiel waited but Balthazar said nothing. The other line was dead quiet. “So how realistic is that?”

“Novak. You’ve gotta break this off.”

“But-“

“No. Do you know how much trouble you could get into?” 

“Balthazar.”

“You would lose your job. You would go to prison, and be registered on the sex offenders list.” Balthazar’s voice grew in intensity. “You wouldn’t be able to have him anyway if that happens.”

“Man, I don’t need a lecture okay? I’ve thought about that. I love him.”

“Fuck that man. Do you know how many people I’ve helped after being put on a sex offenders list? One guy got put on there when he was seventeen for having sex with his fifteen year old girlfriend. Now   
he’s twenty four, working at a fast food joint even though he has a college degree because no one will hire him. He has a wife and a six year old daughter, but she’s not allowed to have any friends over to play or sleep over because he’s a sex offender. Not allowed around children. He can never go to his daughter’s school plays, or sports events. He can’t even go to her high school graduation.” 

The bell rang and Castiel jumped.“Just, man just tell me. Is it realistic?”

“YES.” Balthazar sighed. “Yes, it sounds like he’s probably got a case.” Silence hung between them for a few moments. “Tell you what, meet me at the Roadhouse Friday night, bring him with. We can talk more about it.”

Castiel’s eyes slid shut in relief. “Thank you.”

“Yeah yeah yeah.” He could hear the smile creeping back into Balthazar’s voice. “Just, be careful man, okay? Just.. be careful. Be smart.”

“I will.”

“Good.” They both got ready to hang up. Just as Castiel was about to say goodbye Balthazar jumped in. “Thanks for calling man. It’s good to hear from you. Really good.”

“Yeah. It’s good to talk to you. I’ve missed you.” Castiel was shocked at how true the words were. Balthazar laughed quietly. 

“You have a boyfriend, stop being so gay.” Both men laughed loudly, hanging onto their phones like their lives depended on it. The second bell rang. Castiel sighed. 

“I’ve gotta go. See you Friday, around six?”

“Yeah man. See ya then.” Castiel hung up the phone, a smile on his face. When he turned his chair around the smile disappeared as his eyes set on Dean a few feet away, leaning against the door frame.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It may be two or three days until the next post. I received news yesterday that an old friend of mine killed himself, so I don't know how much time I will have between traveling home for the funeral and spending time with loved ones. Hopefully I can power write tonight or tomorrow so I have a few chapters saved for you guys. This one really kind of ends with a cliffhanger/shocker, so I am sorry! I will try to update as soon as possible so I don't leave you all in emotional turmoil. Love you guys!

“How long have you been standing there?” Castiel asked quietly.

“Long enough.” Dean replied harshly. 

“Dean-“

“What do you mean, you’re like my dad?”

“Dean-“

“No, stop. Stop saying my name and fucking answer me.” Dean’s face was bright red as he pushed away from the doorframe, taking a few steps towards Castiel. Castiel put his hands up, his face pleading. 

“Calm down.”

“Answer me!” Dean yelled. The chatter in the hallway quieted down as a few people glanced inside the classroom, wondering what was going on. Castiel looked around, assessing the situation. 

“When I got home from Iraq, all I did was drink. I was drunk all the time, okay? And I didn’t talk a lot. I barely spoke at all, not even to my family. I mean I did a speech at Michael’s funeral but other than that I said nothing. I didn’t think there was any words left saying anymore. And I was pretty angry, picking fights at bars and with my dad and my brothers. I was a mess.” Dean’s body started shaking and Castiel regretted telling him the truth. He should have lied. He should have said he just meant that they’re both veterans. “Dean, I promise you. I’m not like him.”

“You promised me, when you first told me. You promised me you would never be like him.”

“I won’t be!” Kids were starting to pile up outside the open door, not sure if they should come inside the classroom or not. Bile rose up in Castiel’s throat. 

“You already were! What’s gonna stop you from going back to that?” Castiel saw the principle push his way through the crowd.

“You, Zeppelin. You’ll stop me.” Dean didn’t have time to answer before the principle came forward, taking Castiel by the arm. He led him to his office, asking him questions about what the hell was going on. Castiel heard nothing. Nothing besides the sounds of Dean sobbing behind him. 

 

 

“What seems to be the issue, Mr. Novak?” The principle asked, his voice level. Castiel took in a deep breath, trying to sit straight up and down on the uncomfortable leather chair. The principle sat across from him, his elbows resting on the desk, waiting for an explanation. 

“Mr. Winchester was,” Castiel struggled for the word. The principle waited patiently. “Upset.”

“Obviously.” He sighed, shifting so that was sitting straight up too. “For any particular reason?”

“He has been confiding in me. His father is a veteran, like me.” Castiel cleared his throat, surprised at how easily the words were spilling now. “He’s just been coming to me for adjustment advice. Today he got upset, when he realized the similarities between his father and I. He didn’t think he could trust me anymore.”

“It sounded a little more personal than that, Mr. Novak.” Both men stared at each other for a moment. “Sounded a lot more personal actually.” 

“We’ve grown closer over the past few months. I think of myself as somewhat of a mentor for him.”

“A mentor.” The principle stated, an amused smile on his face. 

“Yes.”

“Well, I suppose that’s one word for it, right?”

“I don’t know what you-“

“Christmas break starts day after tomorrow.”

“Yes, Sir. It does.” Castiel’s hands began shaking violently as he tried to keep his voice even. The principle handed him a sheet of paper, a layout for a letter of resignation. 

“I expect your letter of resignation on my desk first thing Friday morning.” The principle stood up, offering his hand to Castiel. Castiel just stared at it. “We are sad to hear you don’t find our school a good fit for you, but we will be more than happy to be a great reference for your next employer.” 

“Uhh, wait.” Castiel stood up slowly. The principle grabbed onto his hand, shaking it firmly. 

“Castiel, please. I don’t want to investigate this. I don’t want to fire you or call the cops. You and I both know that was personal.” The principle sighed. “Those Winchester boys have been through a lot, so I want you to leave this school and leave that boy alone.”

“I’m trying to help him.” 

“Helping him or not, that letter needs to be here Friday morning. I’ll put a good word in, I’ll try and help you find another job the best I can. But helping Dean or not helping Dean, do it from a different school.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am a total bum head. I was so upset when I was packing and trying to get things figured out for the funeral that I forgot to bring my laptop :( Thank you everyone for all of your comments and support. Now that I am back home I am back to writing, and holy crap do I have a lot to write about!!!! I am writing like crazy right now, I can't get the words down fast enough. I know this chapter isn't very long but I figured it was about time I gave you guys something. You'll probably get more tonight, but enjoy (:

“Where’s your brother?” Castiel asked, barging through the unlocked apartment door. Sam was at the tiny kitchen table, doing his homework. He looked up, staring at Castiel. The boys hadn’t been here in over a week. You could already tell that it had gone a while without being lived in. Compared to the coziness of Castiel’s house, this was cold and lonely. 

“He’s working.” Sam whispered, looking down at his homework.

“He doesn’t work tonight.” Castiel said, trying to keep his voice calm. Sam shrugged.

“He picked up a shift.”

“Why?” Sam didn’t answer. “Why aren’t you guys at my place?” Sam remained silent. Castiel sighed, shaking his head. 

“He told you.”

“He told me I’m not allowed to talk to you.”

“Why?”

“If I told you then I would be talking to you.”

“But you’re talking to me right now.” Castiel whispered, sitting down across from Sam. Sam lifted his eyes slowly and Castiel noticed he had tears pooling in the corners of them. 

“He said that you don’t want us anymore.” Sam’s lower lip began shaking. 

“I do.” Castiel reached across the table to grab Sam’s hand, but Sam took it away. “Sam, I could never not want you.” 

“He said we shouldn’t want you either. Said we let ourselves get too close, we were bound to get hurt.”

“Yeah, that sounds like Dean.” Castiel stared at Sam for a long moment before sighing. “Pack this all up, and whatever else you need. Then meet me in my car. You’re not staying here, okay?” Sam slowly nodded, standing up and gathering his books. “I’ll be out in the car, just come when you’re ready.” Castiel walked outside quickly, slamming the door a little harder than intended as he left. He climbed into his vehicle, resting his head on the wheel. He needed a drink. 

 

 

After dropping Sam off with a promise to be back soon, Castiel headed to the Roadhouse. It was only a ten minute drive from his house, but there were three bars on the way that each called his name. The third one got him. He pulled into the gravel parking lot, telling himself he would only have a quick beer. Just something to drink while he thought about what he was going to do. But after three failed attempts at getting ahold of Dean, one beer turned into three. Then into five. On his sixth one he decided it’d be a good idea to head over to the Roadhouse now. Just in case he needed a little encouragement, he topped it off with a glass of scotch. 

When Castiel jerked into the parking lot of the bar and grill he saw Dean standing outside, smoking a cigarette. When Dean caught sight of him he dropped it to the ground, stomping on it quickly before rushing back inside. Castiel slammed into park, hopping out before he even had time to take the key out of the ignition. All Castiel kept thinking to himself was “I love him. I can’t lose him. I love him.” Once inside he realized just how dead the night was. There were only two couples in the entire place. The Roadhouse hadn’t needed Dean tonight. Dean had needed the Roadhouse.

“Dean!” Castiel yelled after the retreating boy. Dean froze in the middle of the floor. Everyone in the place stared at them. 

“Leave me alone.” Dean said quietly over his shoulder. Castiel walked towards him slowly, his hands stretched out. 

“Dean.”

“Mr. Novak, I am at work right now. This is hardly the time or place.” Dean’s voice was lifeless, just as Castiel’s voice had always been when he talked to Dean in front of students. Castiel knew that this wasn’t something that needed to be done here. That this conversation could happen later, when Dean wouldn’t get in trouble. But something, maybe the alcohol, wouldn’t let Castiel walk away.

“I’m not Mr. Novak anymore. At least not after Friday. I got fired.” Castiel tried sounding like Dean had but instead of sounding lifeless it sounded broken, desperate. Dean turned around, his face full of concern.

“They fired you?” Dean’s lips were shaking as he formed the words. They stared at each other for what felt like eternity. 

“Technically I resigned.” Dean shook his head, trying to understand. “It doesn’t matter, okay? All that matters is we can be together now!” Dean took a step back, putting more distance between him and Castiel. He shook his head, this time a lot more violently. 

“No.”

“Yes, Dean we can be-“ 

“No!” Dean yelled. Castiel jumped at the sudden anger. “I am so fucking sick of people who break promises. People who do that don’t mean shit to me.”

“Dean.” 

“You lied to me, about being in the Army. But I forgave you, because I LOVED you. But this,” Dean gestured in between them, “this is done. No more lies or broken promises.”

“Dean, I promise. No more lies, okay? You know everything now. We can be together now. We can-“

“Fucking stop Cas. Shut up! This is done. We are done.” Dean’s boss came out of the back, her hand resting gently over her mouth. Castiel glanced at her for a moment, trying to gage whether or not she   
was going to interrupt. When he decided she wouldn’t he stepped forward, words falling out of his mouth quickly. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? I just lost my job for you. I could have gone to jail for you. Hell I still could. I cooked for you and shopped for you. I took care of you and your brother. I-“

“You didn’t lose your job for me. You just said you resigned.” Dean’s face was beat red with anger. 

“They forced me to resign. If I didn’t hand in a letter of resignation by Friday they’re gonna do an investigation on our relationship. It was either resign or get fucking arrested!” When Dean didn’t say   
anything Castiel got angrier. “I took care of your ass. I fucking loved you, and this is what I get? I don’t tell you about the worst part of my life because I’m ashamed and I don’t want you to see me like that, and you leave me? You just write me off because of how I used to be? I’m different now. That was a long time ago.” Castiel didn’t realize he had Dean backed up into a wall until he heard Dean cry out. When he looked down his hands were grasping Dean’s upper arms tightly, most likely pressing bruises into them. He let go immediately, taking a large step back. Dean didn’t look scared or even angry anymore. He looked worse. The expression on his face was the same one Castiel watched him put on when talking about his dad. 

“Angry and picking fights at bars.” Dean whispered, his voice deadly quiet. “Sounds like you’re just the same.” Castiel let out a small whimper as Dean pushed past him. Just as he was about to go out of earshot he turned around. “You smell like booze, by the way.” It had been just above a whisper, but it sounded like screaming in Castiel’s ear.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is crazy short but I want your input before I continue!!   
> One) would you guys like me to go into a little smut after this, or do you just want a next morning summary kind of thing?  
> Two) The whole Castiel/Lucifer thing, maybe a prequel story? Give you guys a separate story for some background??? 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think, just bouncing ideas around!!

“What’s your name?” Castiel asked, his lips stretching around the lip of a shot glass. He threw it back, letting the tequila rush down his throat. 

“Ethan.” The quiet brunette muttered, staring down at his beer. Castiel looked down at his own drink, frowning at it. He didn’t remember how it got empty. He waved the bartender over, asking for a refill. The bartender rolled his eyes at him, setting up four empty shot glasses alongside the one in Castiel’s hand. He filled each up with tequila, then muttered something about having other customers besides him. Castiel brought one to his lips, tossing it back with ease. He knew it was time to slow down, but he could still hear Dean’s voice. Still see his face. “What about you?” 

“Huh?” Castiel asked, scratching his head. Then he remembered he had asked his name. “Oh, uh it’s Castiel.”

“That’s interesting.” 

“Yeah.” Castiel nodded awkwardly. “Yeah, it sure is.” A song came on the radio, something ACDC. The boy beside him started nodding his head, singing softly along. He asked Castiel if he liked the song. Castiel shrugged. “I suppose. Always been more of a Zeppelin fan though.” 

“Ahh, I like Zeppelin.” Ethan said behind a smile. His eyes darkened a little as he looked at Castiel. Castiel threw another shot back before offering him a similar smile. 

“Funny. I happen to like boys who like Zeppelin.” Castiel said, his voice turning menacing. “But they hurt me. You won’t hurt me, will you Ethan?” Ethan stared at him for a moment, probably wondering if Castiel was some sort of freak or just really drunk. Castiel took another shot as he let Ethan stare. He must have decided on the latter because his smile grew wider as he leaned forward.

“Baby, I wouldn’t hurt you.” He brought a hand up to Castiel’s face stroking his cheek. His fingers were rough and callused. “Not unless you wanted me to.” Something flashed behind Ethan’s eyes as he said this. Castiel stared at him for a moment. He wanted to ask what Ethan meant but somewhere in his tangled mind, he knew. 

“You mean like that fifty shades of grey shit?” Castiel asked, his lips wrapped around another shot. He leaned his head back, his eyes closing in pleasure as he felt the tequila fill is mouth. 

“Yeah.” Ethan shrugged, cradling his beer. “Seems like you could use the stress relief.” Castiel had messed around with that before, but not in a long time. He had actually been a sub once upon a time, with Michael’s brother Lucifer. He was the one who had pulled Castiel out of that dark and scary place. He was the one who reminded Castiel what life was supposed to be like. He had gotten Castiel to stop drinking, to stop fighting, to stop self-destructing. Castiel’s first words were for Lucifer. Castiel hadn’t done it since though, not since he left that town and never looked back. 

“You know what,” Castiel said just before throwing back his two last shots, “That sounds like a fucking great idea. Let’s go.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's a long one for you lovely people (:

Castiel strolled into the classroom seven minutes after the bell rang. All the students quieted down, watching their teacher as he made his way to his desk. He dropped a stack of papers in his hand then turned around and flashed a charming smile. Dean tried to look down at his desk, but he couldn’t help but stare. Castiel’s hair was sticking up in tufts, as if it had been pulled on repeatedly. His dress shirt was wrinkled and not tucked in. It also wasn’t his. He didn’t wear a tie, and he had jeans on instead of dress pants. His sleeves were rolled up, exposing strange bruises on his wrists. Dean couldn’t smell him from the back row, but if the whispers up front were any indication, he reeked of booze. 

Anger flashed inside Dean as Castiel started speaking in a slow drawl. He didn’t even listen to him, instead staring down at his desk and trying to think of what he was going to tell Sam tonight. When Dean had showed up at Castiel’s to pick up Sam, his brother had cried and refused to leave. He screamed at Dean, telling him that it wasn’t fair. Telling him that Castiel was the closest thing to a dad he ever had, besides Dean of course. Dean had kept a straight face the whole time, telling Sam to shut up and get his ass out of the house. But once they were back at the apartment and Dean stepped into a scalding hot shower, the tears came. 

He knew his dad would be coming home soon, and he was always the worst after a failed hunting trip. The two broken bones Dean has ever gotten from his father were both after he returned home. Dean’s hands shook at the thought. He knew he could handle it, he always did before, but something inside of him was panicking. How was he supposed to do this without Castiel? He could barely remember a time without him. He jumped as he heard his name. 

“Excuse me?” He asked, his voice strangled.

“I asked you a question, Mr. Winchester.” Castiel’s voice was cold, foreign. Dean stared at him for a moment, his body giving an involuntary shiver. 

“I didn’t hear it. I’m sorry.”

“Maybe you should pay attention.” Castiel stared him down. The whole class was deadly quiet. No one had proof, but rumors had spread fast since yesterday. Dean’s blood boiled with anger, but his face flushed with embarrassment. “Can anyone tell Mr. Winchester what we are discussing today?”

Everyone remained quiet until Castiel asked again. One girl turned around slowly, her voice apologetic. “We’re talking about inappropriate relationships.” She bit her lip as she watched five different emotions flash across Dean’s face. “In literature, of course.” 

“Right.” Dean whispered. “Of course.”

“Not just inappropriate relationships in general. But how they can mess up your life.” Castiel continued staring him down. “Do you agree with that statement, Mr. Winchester?” 

“Uhh,” Dean rubbed a hand down his face. Don’t cry, he told himself, don’t fucking cry. “I don’t think it has to do with the relationship. It has to do with the people in the relationship.”

“People are just human, Mr. Winchester. Relationships like that are extremely stressful.”

“Right, but if the people truly love each other then they’ll make it work.” 

“People make mistakes.” Castiel’s voice was back to its usual tone, not at all cold or distant anymore. Dean shivered from the sound. “You should know something about that.” Dean thought back to yesterday. To the fact that he got Castiel fired. But Castiel had lied to him.

“Some mistakes just can’t be forgiven though.” Dean whispered. 

“No matter how much you love me?” The rest of the students caught the slip, but no one said anything. A few shifted uncomfortably, but for the most part the atmosphere remained the same. 

“No matter how much I love you.” 

 

 

Castiel spent Thursday night just as he did Wednesday, in the same exact seat at the bar. He went through three glasses of scotch, four shots of tequila and a glass of vodka and sprite before his phone started ringing. He squinted at the screen, seeing Gabriel’s face smiling at him. He pressed ignore, going back to his drink. Two more phone calls and one “Where the fuck are you” text later and Castiel was back to tequila. He didn’t know if Gabriel knew the situation. Didn’t much care either. Castiel smiled at the bartender, waving him over. 

“What’s up?” The bartender asked, a dishrag in his hand. The night was slow, only two other people besides Castiel in the bar. The bartender looked down at Castiel’s empty drink. “How about a water bud?” 

“How ‘bout another thcotch.” Castiel countered. The bartender stared at the clock. It was only 7:30, and already the guy was slurring his words. 

“Water first, then you can have some scotch.” Castiel wrinkled his eyebrows angrily as the man placed a small cup of water in front of him. 

“You ever been in love?” Castiel asked, ignoring the glass. 

“Yeah.” The guy said. He didn’t point out that he had a ring on his finger, or that he was almost forty. 

“It thucks.” Castiel grumbled. The guy nodded, throwing down the rag and wiping his hands on his jeans. “I told myself I’dsnever love again. I lost Michael, ‘s I couldn’t imagine losing anyone else, ya know? I mean he was just, he ws’ my best friend, but I still loved him. He was like my fucking brother.” The bartender nudged the water towards Castiel. He took a sip without really thinking, then continued. “But then Zeppelin showed up, and he was ‘jst tho perfect. Fucking perfect.” His phone started ringing again. He glanced down at it, rolling his eyes. 

“Is that Zeppelin?” The bartender asked as Castiel took another drink. 

“No.” Castiel whispered, his voice low and sad. “If it was Zeppelin I would answer it.” Another drink. “’s my brother.”

“Why don’t you answer it?”

“I used to be an alcoholic.” Castiel told him, as if this was an answer that made sense. 

“Used to be?” The bartender asked. He tried to keep judgment out of his tone, but the amount of alcohol the man had consumed indicated that he probably still was. 

“Yeah.” Castiel whispered. “I think I’m turning into one again.” Castiel looked around the bar, nodding slowly. “Yeah.” He said again. The bartender poured him a scotch. He watched as Castiel drank it, carefully stealing his phone as he was distracted. He left Castiel sitting there as he made his way to the back, calling Gabriel.

“Cas, where the fuck are you?” Gabriel yelled, making the bartender jump. “I stopped by the house to see what’s up and the place is fucking trashed. Shit thrown everywhere, empty bottles all over the floor.”

“Uhh, this is Steve.” The bartender interrupted. “Your brother is at my bar.”

“Is he okay?” Gabriel’s voice shifted from anger to concern.

“Yeah.” Steve said, clearing his throat. “Well, no.” He shifted his weight, glancing through the window at Castiel. His glass was already empty again and he was reaching over the bar to try and grab the alcohol. “You should probably come get him.” 

 

 

“Gabe! ‘S up man?” Castiel yelled, throwing his arms out for a hug as his brother walked towards him. He fell off the stool from the sudden shift in weight, falling flat on his ass. He laughed a loud belly laugh as Gabriel shook his head. He mumbled an apology to the bartender before lifting his brother up. Castiel wavered on his feet for a moment, as if he was going to fall down again. When he didn’t, he rewarded himself with more laughter. 

“Come on Cas, let’s get you home.” Gabriel said as he grabbed his brother around the waist. Castiel tried pushing him away, but he was too weak. 

“No. He’s not there.”

“Who?”

“My Zeppelin. ‘s not there. Left me.” Castiel’s chest rose and fell fast. Gabriel grabbed him tighter, thinking he was going to start crying. Instead, a rush of giggles escaped his lips. Gabriel pulled him towards the door as he laughed, yellowing another apology to the bartender as he left. 

The drive home was pretty much the same. Castiel was either yelling at him to bring him back to the bar or giggling over the fact that he is now single and alone. He even told Gabriel as they pulled into the driveway that he was going to become a crazy cat lady. Gabriel didn’t point out that he was a man. Or that he was allergic to cats. Castiel went on and on about this as Gabriel dragged him through the front door. “I’m just gonna get a shit ton, man.” Castiel told him. “Oh, and fish! I’m gonna get a shit ton of fish.” Castiel started telling Gabriel the names for the nonexistent cat’s and fish as Gabriel began stripping him in the bedroom. “Larry, Marcia, Bubbles, Nirvana-“ Gabriel drowned him out until he started sobbing. 

“Cas,” Gabriel muttered as he sat him down on the bed. “It’s okay. You and Dean will work it out. I don’t know what happened, but it’s gonna be okay man.”

“I’m not crying about Dean!” Castiel screamed, his face streaked with tears. His whole body was shaking. “I just realized my cats are going to eat my fish.” He started sobbing harder and Gabriel shook his head. He lay him down, pulling the blanket over him. He sat beside his brother until the crying stopped, until he was peacefully asleep. His mind went back to all the fights he broke up back when Castiel was living at home. All the times he went to get him from local bars, dragging him back home. How he’d beg him, sober and drunk, to talk. To say something, anything, only to be rewarded with a blank stare. Gabriel brushed away a lone tear.

“Cas,” he whispered, “Please don’t do this to me again. Please.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay my friends, this is the last chapter (besides a prologue). I love you all so much and I'm sorry it took me so long, I couldn't decide where I wanted the story to go.

John Winchester came home on a Tuesday. The boys were in the kitchen, Dean cooking some of the food still left from one of Castiel’s binge shopping trips while Sam worked on his math homework. Dean had been humming an old AC/DC song to himself, only to be interrupted by the slam of the front door. Both boys jumped, looking up just in time to see John standing there. Both boys stared at him, waiting for something to happen. His face slowly crumpled as he dropped his army duffel on the ground.

“My boys.” He whispered, his eyes filling with tears. Dean had almost forgotten what that voice had sounded like. Sam let out a breath before jumping out of his seat, running into his father’s arms. He still held a pencil in one hand. Dean turned the oven off, not taking his eyes off them. He stood awkwardly until his father looked up at him, begging him to come too. He walked slowly towards them, as if it was a trick. When his father didn’t move, Dean cautiously settled next to Sam against John’s chest. “My boys.” John whispered again.

Dean knew it was fake. Knew that his father hadn’t found their mother, and now he was back trying to make some part of his life function again. But in a few weeks he would forget about his love for these boys, only focusing again on his hatred for the woman who left. But Dean wanted it to be real, so he closed his eyes and let himself cry.

After a few long minutes, Dean pulled away. “I’ve got lasagna in the stove.” His dad smiled at him, his eyes lighting up. He nodded, giving Sam one last squeeze before standing up. Dean quickly walked towards the cabinet, taking out three plates. His father glanced around, taking in the tidy little apartment. When he glanced at the pan in Dean’s hand he became confused.

“That doesn’t look like Stouffers?” John asked. Dean swallowed, looking down at the lasagna.

“Yeah, it’s homemade.” John stared at it for a minute longer, and then walked to the fridge. He yanked open the door, staring inside. He took in all the groceries, shaking his head.

“Where’d you get all this?” Dean put the pan of lasagna down, feeling a fight stirring. Sam was staring at both of them intensely, sadness growing in his eyes.

“Bachelorette party at the Roadhouse the other night, crazy tips.” John stared at Dean for a moment longer, then smiled.

“The ladies love you, must be them Winchester genes.” Sam let out a little laugh. Dean shot him a quick glare before smiling at his dad, agreeing with him. They all ate in relative silence, with the occasional catch up questions here or there. The heaviness inside of Dean’s heart began to lighten with every smile, every laugh.

 

Castiel finished his third interview of the week, loosening his tie as he walked to his car. This one went better than the last two, but he hated the Principle. He was an arrogant rich guy who cared more about the athletic department than the academic. He sat behind the wheel for a minute before turning the radio on. The opening chords of Stairway to Heaven began playing. His breath caught in his throat. He listened to half the song before he realized he was still sitting in the parking lot. He put the car in drive, fighting tears as he made his way to the Roadhouse. He got out quickly, making his way to the entrance like a crazy man. It was a Wednesday, Dean’s guaranteed day off.

He didn’t want to see him, but he needed to feel him. He needed to look around and remember him. The smell that hit him as he opened the door made him whimper. It was the  
smell of grease, beer and peanuts. It was the smell of Dean undressing in his bathroom, getting ready to shower after a long shift. It had been two weeks since he had seen him, two weeks since he had been sober. Even for his interviews he had been pleasantly buzzed. Gabriel had slowly moved himself into Castiel’s apartment, making the guest bedroom his own. Castiel didn’t tell him that it used to be Sammy’s. That it killed him every time he walked by the door and heard bustling on the other side. He knew Gabe was just trying to take care of him. Clean up after him when he has a breakdown, roll him onto his side when he passes out, and drag him into the shower when he pukes all over himself.

Castiel was starting to forget what Dean’s soft lips felt like on his collarbone. What his teeth sounded like when they chattered from the cool air. He couldn’t quite remember the deepness of his voice, always getting it wrong when he tried to recall it. When he closed his eyes and pictured Dean, his features were fuzzy. Castiel did this now, trying to remember what it sounded like to hear Dean say his name. He jumped when he heard it crystal clear. He tried to make it happen again, and was rewarded with a second shout. His eyes shot open as someone shook his shoulder.

Dean stood beside him, a dirty rag in his hand. Castiel stared at him in disbelief. Dean stepped back, taking away his hand as if Castiel had burnt him. Castiel smiled at him, about to say something when Dean cut him off. “I just need to clean the booth before you can sit here.” The smile slipped from Castiel’s face as he looked down at the table, full of crumbs and water droplets. He nodded, scooting out of the seat. He stared at Dean, as if he was make believe. Dean tried not to notice.

“Thought you didn’t work Wednesday’s?” Castiel asked quietly. Dean continued cleaning, not taking his eyes off the table.

“I’m covering for someone.”

“How does Sam feel about that? Isn’t tonight your-“

“Sam doesn’t care. He went to the movies with my dad.” Dean finished wiping down the table, moving to the leather seats. Castiel stood there, his arms crossed. It was the only way he could know for sure he wouldn’t reach out for Dean.

“He’s back?” Castiel whispered. Dean nodded, finishing up. He stood straight, not looking at Castiel. He went to clean the next booth over, Castiel following him. “IF you need help Dean-“

“I’m fine. I don’t need you.” The words hit Castiel hard. He stumbled back, shaking his head. Dean didn’t look at him, instead staring at the new dirty table. Castiel walked out of the restaurant. Walked away from the boy who still held his heart. He walked away from all of it, and never looked back.

 

It was 3:57 A.M. when the phone rang. Castiel woke up with a quick jerk, reaching for his phone blindly. He knocked over the lamp for getting it. He squinted at the screen, his breath catching in his throat. He flipped open the phone, wide awake now. “Zeppelin.”


	22. EPILOGUE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely lovely people.
> 
> First of all I would like to apologize. I said prologue in my last message but I meant Epilogue!!
> 
> Writing this story has been an amazing experience. I was SO SO NERVOUS to publish on this site but you guys were all so amazing. I would like to specifically thank Lulu3011, NongProdu. and angels_rdvd64 for sticking with me and cheering me on as I go!! Along with everyone else (: You all have no idea how much I needed all of those comments, it helped me SO MUCH. When I wanted to quit you guys were what pulled me through, I LOVE YOU ALL. 
> 
>  
> 
> Now this is not the end for these characters. I am currently pretty far into a prequel for the story, showing Castiel after Michael's death. I can also work on a sequel if there is interest in that. Please comment and let me know!!!!! (: 
> 
> Once again. ILOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

It was 3:57 A.M. when the phone rang. Castiel woke up with a quick jerk, reaching for his phone blindly. He knocked over the lamp for getting it. He squinted at the screen, his breath catching in his throat. He flipped open the phone, wide awake now. “Zeppelin.”

“Cas.” Dean’s voice was shaking. There was sobbing in the background. It sounded like Sam but Castiel couldn’t be sure. “Cas, help me.” 

“What’s going on?” Castiel asked, swinging his legs to the edge of the bed. He quickly walked over to the wall, turning the light on. He pulled the nearest pair of jeans on. 

“You were right. I never thought he would hit him.” Dean tried to take a deep breath but he was choked by a sob. Castiel was at his door, slipping his shoes on. Gabriel was awake now, standing just behind him. “But he did. He hit him.”

“Where are you?” Castiel asked, his voice shaking. He looked around frantically, his hands empty. Gabriel stepped forward, handing him his keys. Castiel grabbed them, giving him a thankful look before walking out the door. He ran towards his car as Dean rambled. 

“-and he had a bad dream. He woke up crying for mom, something he hasn’t done in years. Dad was so pissed, he walked in there and started strangling him. I was so scared, punched him, and a gun, and he wasn’t breathing, I couldn’t stop it, so much blood-“ Dean kept going, not making much sense as Castiel started driving towards Dean’s. 

“Are you at home?” Dean just kept talking. Castiel heard someone shouting in the distance as Dean began crying harder. “Dean? ANSWER ME.” 

“Yes.” Dean said between sobs. “Locked in the bathroom.”

“Stay on the phone with me.” Castiel said. Dean didn’t respond, but the noise on the other end made it sound like he nodded. Castiel smiled softly at that. His whole body was shaking with adrenaline. It took him three minutes to get to Dean’s, compared to the usual eleven. He left his car running, barely putting it into park before jumping out. He stormed through the front door. He could see down the hall a tall figure leaning against the door. The man turned, looking at Castiel. 

“And who the fuck are you?” A few statements went through Castiel’s mind in a matter of milliseconds. Dean’s teacher. Dean’s boyfriend. The love of Dean’s life. The man who took care of your two damn kids while you were god knows where. 

“The guy you’re gonna wish was never born.” John stared at him, his mouth open in surprise. Castiel lunged at him, his fist colliding with John’s nose. John shoved him, throwing him into the wall opposite of him. He wrapped a hand around Castiel’s throat, the other hand connecting with Castiel’s gut. “You choking me just like Sammy?” Castiel asked, a sarcastic smile on his face. He could taste blood on his tongue. John faltered for a moment at the comment, giving Castiel an opurtunity to knee him in the balls. John groaned, loosening his grip on Castiel’s throat. Castiel grabbed John’s wrist, twisting his arms so that it was bent and raised behind his back. Castiel pushed until he heard a satisfying pop. John gasped, his eyes blinking from the pain. Castiel held him there, pulling his knee up twice to hit John scare in the face. He released his grip on John, letting him fall to the ground. He kicked him three times in the ribs, each time getting a satisfying grunt out of him. He got down on one knee, wrapping his fingers in John’s tufts of hair. 

He brought John’s face next to his own. John spit a mouthful of blood at Castiel’s face. Castiel wiped it slowly with his other hand, before giving John a sadistic smile. “You ever come near these boys again. Ever even think about seeing them again, and I will kill you. Do you understand?” John just stared at him. Castiel lifted his head higher, and then slammed it into the ground. He heard something crack. “I said DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?”

“Yes.” John whispered. Castiel dropped his head, letting it fall against the floor. He stared at the crumpled body for a second before looking up. Dean was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, staring with his mouth open. His face was streaked with tears. Sam had his face buried into Dean’s shirt, his arms wrapped around him. Castiel stood up, not even wanting to know how much of that Dean just witnessed. Dean stared at him, not deciding if he should be thankful or scared. Castiel glanced behind him, getting a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His face was smeared with blood. He looked psychotic. He lifted his shirt up, wiping his face the best he could. 

“Take us away.” Dean whispered. Castiel sighed, looking at the two boys. 

“Come here Sammy.” Castiel whispered. He reached out for the small boy, Dean’s grip growing tighter. “Dean, give me your brother.” Dean let out a chocked sob before nodding, untangling Sam’s body from his own. Castiel lifted the boy in his arms, Sam wrapping his legs around Castiel’s waist, his head resting in the crook of Castiel’s neck. Every muscle in Sam relaxed. “You need to pack as much stuff as you can, as quickly as you can.” 

“Where are we going?” Dean asked, his whole body shaking. Castiel told him to go pack again. Dean just stared at him before turning around and running to his room. Castiel stepped over John’s body, carrying Sam out the front door and laying him down in the backseat of his car. When he turned around Dean was there, two large duffel bags full of stuff. Castiel took the bags, putting them on the floor beside Sam. He walked towards Dean, three large steps. His hands ghosted over Dean’s body, making sure everything was okay. Making sure nothing was out of order. He pulled Dean into a hug, feeling the boy melt into him. His hand felt a bulk in the waist band of the boy’s jeans. Castiel recognized the feel of it. He thought back to the phone call, the mention of a gun. He began quietly crying, not wanting Dean to know. 

When he finally calmed down he pulled away, cupping Dean’s face in his hands. “Zeppelin.” He breathed. Dean crashed his lips against Castiel’s. Castiel stood in shock for a moment before letting his arms wrap around the boys waist. The stood like this for seconds, for eternity. Then Castiel walked him to the passenger side of the car, opening the door for him. HE secured Dean’s seatbelt, pulling on it tightly to make sure it was safe. Then he got in his side of the car and began driving. They left the apartment door wide open. They left John’s body in a puddle of blood. They left the town, then the state. Finally Dean asked one last time. “Where are we going?”

Castiel just smiled. He stared out the windshield for a few seconds before responding. “Away.”


End file.
